"Everything will be different now" from Fen's Memoirs

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The days seemed long at Gelassi, not to mention hot and dusty. In our attempts to reunite an extended family of fighters and clergy left with no one to serve and no other place to go it seemed that only the most opinionated and undiplomatic people of the three realms were sent there to establish a new order. Tironik was placed in command by Queen Naeri from the time the holy war's end. My position was to assist him in any way possible which usually meant breaking up the verbal rampages between Misha and Vay who were the primary voices of the two factions.

Nalev and D'Hir provided as much support as they could but the people, by and large, were slow to change their opinion of the Houseborne and were more than willing to let them be the problem of someone else. Since Gelassi was expanding westward through the legal purchase of farm land and even hunting grounds, the problem became my father's.

It had been weeks since Roarke left on his quest to bring order to the universe. Eyre Nalev had pulled through nicely after his near death experience and was ever sharing his years of wisdom with young Prince D'Hir. As for myself, even though I tried to avoid it, I was the third wheel to Misha and Tironik. It was really Tironik's doing. He feared the repercussions of their relationship since it didn't fit at all into the social structure of Kanabulan politics and was flew in the face of his overly stated position of love, adoration and undying devotion to his mistress the Queen.

A messenger found me while I was assisting Tironik with the delivery of Gelassi's first born child. As if I were not already feeling overly emotional, it was news from Roarke. At Tironik's insistence I waited for Misha who was finalizing the purchase of a large chunk of farmland. I quickly gathered my traveling clothes and all the money I had in my possession and sat and patiently waited for Misha's return that evening.

It was late when we arrived at the Inn of the Teapot. We went upstairs and judging by the commotion inside, it was not difficult to tell where they were staying. There was no answer when I knocked on the door, but we entered anyway. Eburgistraten, who I had not seen in many, many years failed to recognize me in his inebriated state. He was quite disheveled and cavorting with a good number of women, all of whom were expecting a sizable portion of the money I carried. Although the room was small it was so densely packed with flesh that it took me a few moments to realize Roarke was not present.

I turned back into the hallway just as he was returning. "Fen," he said awkwardly holding out his hands for me. "I was waiting for your downstairs, but you didn't notice me."

"Roarke." I placed the money in his hands. While I was relieved to see him well, it had been almost four months since he left with Paynor.

"I told the cook to send up something for you. It should be here soon." He paused.

"Hello, Misha."

"Your Highness," Misha responded politely.

Suddenly the room grew more quiet and one by one the women exited. Burgi had passed out with his head and upper torso hanging off the bed. At least we had some privacy to talk. Roarke sat on Burgi's bed and I removed my cloak and sat on the other bed.

"I'll go downstairs and see to the food," Misha excused himself.

"It's good to see you, Fen." He said warmly.

"I trust your mission went well."

"It did."

"What happened?"

"There's not much to tell really," he said as he scratched one side of his beard. "We went through the portal and immediately entered this all-encompassing white barrier. It was warm and bright and filled me with such peacefulness that it lulled me to sleep. When I awoke, unaware of how much time had passed, Ebugistraten had found me and Paynor was gone."

"An epic journey across time and space, and you spend it in slumber?"

"Asleep or awake, the outcome speaks for itself." Roarke's tone lightened, "Quite relieved that it's over with."

"He must remember something more."

"Perhaps. He's been preoccupied with making up for lost time. Tell me, how is Nalev?"

"Recovering nicely from his fall and is ever at D'Hir's side."

"Are they getting along well?"

I laughed. "Not according to the letters Misha receives from Nalev."

"I've missed your smile, Fen."

"I was afraid I'd never see you again. Considering how we left things--" I started defensively.

"I'm sorry, Fen, for everything. D'Hir confided in me about Dophe's involvement in Paynor's rise to power. As long as there was a chance that you and Neopar were co-conspirators, I had my doubts about you."

"What changed your mind? Was it Paynor?"

"I asked your mother to acquire the ring from Dophe and hide it with the things we brought from your quarters in Belaurii."

"Yes..."

"When you wrote to me, I felt that you were manipulating me by telling me what I wanted to hear. Then you showed up pregnant and I never asked... "

"It was Neopar's."

"And he didn't want you to end up like Delcine." Roarke paused. "But what changed my mind was when your mother told me about how you kept my letters and shirt all tucked away in a locked drawer. You couldn't have intended for me to know that. That was something private, yet so telling. I swear to you, Fen, I won't doubt you again. Everything will be different now."

"Of course it will be different now," Eburgistraten said as he stirred in his bed. "Where is everybody? Is that you, Fenaway?"

His voice was more hushed and he had a broad as he pulled on some clothing before walking over to me.

"How's my plump little potato?"

He gave me a hug so hard that I feared my ribs would break. "It's good to see you, too, Burgi." I took a deep breath after he let me go. "I was sure you'd be out until morning."

"Nonsense, Fenaway. Just needed to catch a few winks. Let me look at you. What a beautiful young woman you've become. Tell me I haven't missed the wedding? We've all waited so long for you and D'Hir to become married."

I looked at Roarke. "Hasn't Roarke told you--"

"Well, there's obviously so much for us to discuss," Roarke hesitated awkwardly and was much relieved at the return of Misha with the food.

We washed some dust from our hands and face from the ride before being seated. Burgi talked for hours telling us about the horrors that unfolded before the king-making. Finally, weariness won out and we began negotiating sleeping arrangements. Thanks to Roarke, my guardian still had the misplaced belief that D'Hir and I were betrothed. He further complicated the situation by his flat out refusal to share a bed with a page. As usual, I wound up with Misha.

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Alliances, by Misha

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By twenty years of age not only was I the oldest page in Eltesnian military history but I had surpassed my Eyre in both height and weight, so much so that I more closely resembled body guard than scribe. I was continually frustrated by my inability to take up arms in battle, but there were limits even to what Lev and Vay could get away with despite their influence with the King.

Yearly, Lev received the highly coveted invitation to participate in the Re-enactment of Entrapment. Despite the great honor he was recalcitrant. Clearly he had no intentions of getting naked and fornicating in the presence of the likes of Savlii and Paynor. It was one of those rare topics that we agreed on. Occasionally he would be invited to attend a royal birthday or wedding as was the case when Prince Roarke married Princess Adelaide of Belaurii.

The Prince looked anything but happy, which was no great surprise knowing his penchant for moodiness. He met his bride once or twice before the ceremony when they were both quite young. Her older sister Dophe was jilted at the altar by Prince Eburgistraten of Kanabulan when he entered into a secret alliance with Vay and King Dalma. Though Roarke knew little about the details, he was somewhat hopeful that years of clandestine planning would result in the freeing of the Lane in our time. That Roarke could be hopeful about anything was a remarkable feat in itself.

Dophe survived her first matrimonial disappointment by marrying her cousin Neopar from the Lesser house of Belaurii. The Lesser house was comprised of the relatives of exiled poet Jaun Sei most of whom now lived near the southern border with Eltesnia. Many presumed that the King was using Dophe to foster the allegiance of the "rebel blood". Dophe it seemed was more interested on flirting shamelessly with Councilman Paynor; her husband was much too distracted by every pretty face that walked by to take much notice.

Neopar's wandering eyes made it impossible to be flattered that he cast any attention toward me even though I must admit to complaining to Lev that I was the most under-dressed guest at the celebration. Even the dress uniform of a page screams perfunctory and pragmatic and I was humbled to be caught in the same drab clothing as Savlii's new boy, the second since I left his service.

I was soon distracted from my pettiness by the handle of Lev's cane as it slid along the inside of my thigh. After an eternity of watching Lev feign listening to the Halvren brothers riveting hunting stories, the King's cousin Lady Zbinka of T'Nal approached our table. Lady Halvren exchanged a curt greeting with Zbinka and excused herself. Lord Halvren smiled warmly and gave up his seat before vanishing into the crowd with his wife.

Zbinka was an odd contradiction, both refined and boisterous, her presence was felt when she walked into any room, and she would have it no other way. Approaching thirty and never married, she seemed to instantly get it in her head that Lev would make a good husband and proposed to him on the spot. The Erye told her that he was flattered by her offer, but that her interests would be better suited with another choice.

"My apologies, Erye Nalev," Zbinka started with a coy smile. "I have caught you at the disadvantage that you know little of me, while I know everything about you. Would you care to talk somewhere more private?"

Her father Lord Delrick had been thrown out of the Court years before for threatening that the heavy-handed authority of the House would tear apart the kingdom. It didn't seem that Lev needed to know more than that and his reply was a very polite "no." Zbinka perservered and persuaded both of us to join her in a quiet study. She explained, in great detail, her activities over the years in protest of the dehumanization of the Houseborne class. There had been rumors of her involvement for years, especially in the kidnappings of Houseborne males from their foster homes and subsequent placement elsewhere-- allegations that if proven would lead to her execution, royalty or not.

Lev thanked her for placing her trust in him but didn't see the benefit in an alliance. Clearly, she did and continued in her negotiations.

"Erye Nalev, you have become larger than life in your quiet yet subversive manner and put a face on a cause so many of us secretly defend. The two of you have broken infraction after infraction of the outdated and abhorrent code of conduct regarding the Houseborne and have managed to remain relatively unscathed. Alone, I'm not sure how much longer we can defy the system. Together, we represent a very powerful alliance that takes us much closer to the realization of our goals."

I wasn't aware that we had any such lofty goals, at least not before that night. But Zbinka made her impression on Nalev and before year's end he sought the blessings of the House for their union. As the figure head of authority for both the clerical and political power that Zbinka sought to challenge, Vay was wary of Lady T'Nal, but confident of Nalev's ability to control her. Control Zbinka? Vay may have been very wise, but she certainly didn't spend enough time with Zbinka if she thought that anyone could control her-- let alone Lev.


Lev and Zbinka had a spectacular wedding then vanished for a brief honeymoon, which consisted primarily of strategic planning both day and night between the three of us. As if vacationing with my lover and his new bride wasn't awkward enough, I always felt her gaze upon me.

The marriage seemed to signify a change with Savlii and he resumed his vocal attacks on Lev. We often played cards together, and since Lev had such terrible difficulty in reading, or so he was still claiming, I got to play his hands. Unlike Lev, I always won which added to Savlii's dissatisfaction.

"I can not believe you make me play with a page," Savlii huffed.

"I can not believe that you always lose to a page," Nalev scoffed.

"I don't know what you're trying to prove, Nalev. Your behavior lacks any semblance of propriety and can not be overlooked for much longer. Your familiarity with this man is an abomination."

"Unlike your familiarity with a child?"

"You've taken a military institution and made a complete mockery of it. You're entitled to a page, Eyre Nalev, not a wife."

"Actually, I'm entitled to both and have done a reasonable job in keeping both satisfied. Which is more than I can say for your relationships. Who was it your wife ran off with again? Your brother, as I recall."

"Mock me if you will. I will see you driven out of the army," Savlii said and got up, his young page shuffling after him.

"Eyre Savlii, aren't you forgetting something?" Lev asked.

Savlii threw some money down on the table and left. It was always good to see him leave.



As it turned out taunting the superior officer, though immediately rewarding was not beneficial in the long run. The political climate of Eltesnia and especially within the high court of Cznorh was changing, distancing itself from the powerful intrusion of the House while elevating the authority of the King's Council. King Dalma vehemently opposed this shift from the start, but he was swayed over time by the pervasive efforts of those closest to him. The direct ramification for us was that Nalev's ties to the House mattered less and less. And Savlii was poised for retribution.

Lev was promoted to the Office of Disciplinary Affairs which had the dubious honor of trying and executing all offenders of Houseborne misconduct, including infractions perpetrated by Eltesnian citizens. Savlii took enormous satisfaction in knowing that his nemesis spent every waking hour treading lightly with his personal life while being forced to uphold a system that he despised. I remained with Lev as his secretary for a number of months before he had a sudden miraculous recovery with his eye sight and sent me to live with Zbinka as her guard.

Lev had been responsible for my intellectual and emotional rebirth. Lady T'Nal had other aspirations for me, as I would soon find out.

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Convalescence, by Misha

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My service to Savlii had ended. Vay did her best to comfort me but I hardly heard a word she was saying. I was far too anxiety-ridden about my immediate future as I sat there concentrating on the tiny crunching sound emanating from inside my head as I gnawed off every last fingernail. A woman came to get Vay and they disappeared leaving me all alone in her quarters. I tried to resign myself to my new life. It was quite an opportunity for a page. Normally only Houseborne soldiers who had either sustained significant injury or simply grown too old to fight were admitted to academic pursuits. And, yes, even they were subject to becoming an eunuch first. Eltesnia certainly couldn't afford to have an educated and well-fed bastard class spawning their discontentment at the expense of the winning the Holy War against Kanabulan.

Vay returned what seemed an eternity later. Her lips moved; eventually her words began to register once I noticed that she was smiling. It seemed that Lev had challenged Savlii to a game of cards and made him an offer far too tempting to pass up: he wagered his title as general against my transference to him. Because everyone in the hospital knew Lev to be one of the worst card players of all time, Savlii accepted and expected quick, satisfying victory. I should have liked very much to have been there to see the look on his face when Lev beat him.


That is how an unbelievably handsome valiant young general had risked his career to acquire me but didn't have a bloody clue what to do with me. Every attempt to comfort or assist him in any capacity was immediately thwarted. He insisted on dressing himself even though he could barely stand on his bad leg. I tried to work with him in his rehabilitation but he coldly informed me that was the job of his doctors and nurses. He was very proud and equally frustrated that his convalescence should take so long. I kept my distance from him and even found myself almost fondly reminiscent of the hairy beast that smelled of rotten cheese, at least until he would pay his next visit accompanied with his new page. Had I ever been as young and innocent as the lanky freckle-faced boy that now hung on his every word and gesture?

Other than Savlii and his new boy, Lev was visited regularly by a gaggle of priestesses, artists and scholars. Vay herself generally joined us for mid-day and evening meals when she wasn't tending to matters in the House. Most people loved Nalev. He was a phenomenal listener which somehow made him seem much wiser than his years.

Without any duties to speak of I spent much of my time sweeping the floor and dusting all the plants. Occasionally Lev would glance over at me but tended to be silent unless he was entertaining company. The only company I disliked were the priestesses. Savlii came to bark at Lev and criticize Vay, but the ladies of the House were too familiar with Lev from his days serving as High Priest and many seemed just as likely to jump into bed with him as shake his hand upon greeting him.

To take my mind away from the absurdity of my situation, I confiscated some paper left on the table, picked up a pen and began to draw the incredibly shiny plants. By my own estimation, I wasn't that bad so I kept drawing. Soon I attempted Lev.

"What's bothering you, Misha?" Lev asked peering over the top of his book.

"Nothing," I said and continued to draw.

"You're moping around like a dejected child."

I looked up from my drawing. By now he was staring me down not in an angry way but in a very determined way none the less. It was hardly in keeping with my standing as page to speak let alone release the tirade that ensued. When I finally I stopped talking I remember feeling much relieved. Then there was the silence. A terrible silence that slapped me back to reality.

Lev raised on eyebrow, paused then said, "You're jealous."

"That's a ridiculous thing to say!" I protested. It was a ridiculous thing to say but far more ridiculous that it was true.

"The priestesses are merely assisting in my rehabilitation. After spending a few years with Savlii I suspect a little rehabilitation would do you some good as well."

He laughed at me then went back to his book and I to my drawing. At least I pretended to draw. Before too long he hobbled out of bed to sit near me at the table.

"I knew I was good-looking, but that really is remarkable," he said with a wide grin.

"Thank you," I said staring intently at the drawing. His kicked his good leg next to mine and it startled me causing me drop my pen.

"You are jealous," he said leaning toward me. "That's sweet."

I assumed that he was mocking me until he kissed me and I felt his fingertips digging into my thigh. I savored every turn of his mouth and the warmth of his breath on my face, yet each action, glance or word seemed to be a contradiction of the one before. Pausing for a moment I rested my forehead against his and bit down hard on my lip.

"I don't know what you want, Lev," I confessed.

There was another long and terribly awkward pause before he banged his head against mine a few times hoping to knock some sense into me, "When you figure it out, let me know."

I picked up my pen from the floor and set it gently, quietly onto the table. Lev sat back in his chair and began looking through my other drawings. One in particular was a very elaborate map I was working on. I had tried to remember every detail of "No Man's Land" from my time with Savlii.

"You know how to write." Lev looked up from the map and gazed at me more with contemplation than consternation. I sat motionless as my heart and mind began to race. There was no use in denying it-- even if, unlike jealousy, it was a grave offense.

"Can you read?" Nalev asked.

"It is forbidden..." I stammered.

"Answer the damn question, Misha."

"Yes," I admitted quietly fixating on some dust on the plant on the table.

"Who taught you?"

"I'd rather not say."

"You have a problem with following rules," Nalev observed. "Did Savlii know?"

"No. I don't think so."

"Then why would he be so set on sending you off to become headmaster?"

"I can assure you that he never discussed any of his motivations with me."

He studied the map a while longer and a pleased look came across his face, "You did all this from memory?"

"I spent a lot of time there. I really couldn't help picking up the names of the places."

"How far from Kestri to Nethua?" He asked.

"Fifteen miles."

"Nethua to Cznorh?"

"47 miles."

"Ravnesh to Mt. Vondra?"

"101 miles." I paused. "Unless it's the wet season and the northeastern section of the Ibiere swells so badly that you need to go via Timbledown. Then it becomes 132 miles."

"Bring me that dark green book over there." He pointed to a book on the shelf next to the large window.

"General Asden's Journal?" I asked.

"It's a green book surrounded by green foliage, yet you know exactly which one I'm talking about?"

"I must have noticed it when I was taking care of the plants."

"You've been reading my books," he accused.

"No." It was the truth. I had read many of Savlii's books when he was out of sight. Other than Lev's books of poetry, their collections were about the same.

"Just bring me the book," he said waving off my excuses.

I set the book in front of him and he opened it to one of Asden's maps of "No Man's Land". He compared it with mine for a few moments then pointed to the spot on mine just southeast of where the Gadler joins up with the much larger Ibiere.

"What's here?" Lev asked.

"Gelassi?" I asked in reply.

"You didn't include it."

"I'm wasn't finished with the map."

"There's not so much as a dot."

"There's not very much there. Most of it was destroyed when the Great Quiet ended."

"So many legends of gold and gems, but treasure hunters didn't dare disturb the finest farmland in three countries. Only war would be foolhardy enough for that," he said under his breath.

"You've been there?"

"When the great poet Jaun Sei was exiled from Belaurii for his satire he bought some land in Gelassi and married the neighboring farmer's daughter, thinking it would be good for someone to know a thing or two about agriculture. He had nine sons and five daughters. When his wife's father died he inherited his sizable and more profitable farm securing the futures of his children. Jaun Sei's third oldest son was named Waelin; Waelin was my father."

He turned to the start of Asden's account then he had me read aloud, but proceeded to interrupt me at the slightest infraction of mispronunciation, tone or diction. I had learned from my foster sister, a mere child that had put herself at great risk by disobeying the law. Serena was my sole friend and only comfort those long seven years when I was raised by her drunkard father. Now I was being challenged by a overzealous intellectual task master. Writing would prove even more painful as I routinely received a crack over the hand if I appeared to lose interest and concentration.

"Why does it have to be perfect?" I protested.

"Because, Misha, I will not have you handling my correspondences in a shoddy manner. I am in need of a secretary. I find that I have great difficulty reading since the accident."

"I haven't noticed."

"Are you telling me what I see, Misha?" He glared at me.

"No, of course not, Erye Nalev. However, I think you would be better suited by a proper secretary. I hardly think using your page--"

"I have no need of a page!" Nalev said crossly.

"Yes, Erye Nalev."

I clearly remember wanting to take that stick away from him and bash him over the head on occasions too numerous to recollect over those long, grueling months at the hospital. Clearly Lev was testing my mettle yet he gave no indication as to how I was doing. While it was terribly frustrating it was also challenging and flattering that he spent so much of his time tormenting me.

***

We had finally entered the last stretch of Lev's recovery where he got to shed the awful leg contraption for good and began to walk about with only a cane. It seemed that he was in more pain than usual because of his increased activity, but he was in much better spirits and he pushed himself much harder than even his doctors would have liked.

Late one morning, after a long walk and longer swim, we returned to our quarters to get ready for lunch. While changing he lost his balance and he actually thanked me for steadying him. Only a month before he would have sooner hit the floor than accept my help.

"Misha, you would make a fine headmaster." He sat down on at the foot of his bed and stretched his leg with a slight grimace. "If you had the chance, would you do it?"

"Go to the academy?"

"Yes."

"Are you trying to get rid of me?"

"You're really far to intelligent to make a good lap dog. I'd have no trouble getting you in. There's really no way around the nasty entrance requirement."

"You're asking me if I'd rather be castrated or be your page?"

"Companion," he corrected.

I studied his face for any expression, but he was holding back so as not to influence my decision. My decision? For the first time in my life I had a choice. It wasn't even a small and insignificant choice like what time I awoke or what I'd wear for the day.

"Do I have to give you my answer now, or can I think about it?"

"Take all the time you need."

"I'll stay," I replied.

"You're sure?"

"After all these months of testing, was that the right answer?"

"I don't know if it's the right answer, but it was the answer I was hoping for."

I carefully pinned him to the bed and kissed him. He protested ever so slightly that the timing was wrong and endeavored to work harder to convince him otherwise. Absolutely nothing was going to interrupt us this time. Not him. Not me.

But the knock on the door was another matter completely. It wasn't one of those just ignore them and they'll think no one's home sort of knocks. It was Vay telling us that the King and Prince had finally arrived.

"Finally?!" I looked at Lev. "You knew they were coming?"

"I told you it wasn't the right time."

"But the bloody King?! Didn't you think that was important to mention?" I straightened my clothes and ran my fingers through my hair. "How do I look?"

"If you didn't look so damn good we wouldn't be having this argument in the first place," he muttered. "Would you please relax."

I finally understood what it was about Lev that so infuriated Savlii; Lev was impetuous and reckless. While I found those traits quite endearing I was far too young and smitten to foresee that I'd spend the rest of my life bailing him out of dire situations.

There was another set of knocks at the door and Lev answered it, smiling warmly. Even with all of the visitors that came and went, I was flabbergasted to witness King Dalma and young Prince Roarke walk through the door.

King Dalma was a large man with dark features. His wore the dress uniform of the King's Army, with just enough gaudy embellishment to stand out. He had served as his father before him and his before that. The difference was that Dalma didn't have the benefit of serving during the Great Quiet-- a truce that lasted for nearly 75 years -- and he had battle scars to prove it.

The Prince looked to be about my age. His complexion was lighter than his father's but his expression much darker. He wore the plain robes of the priesthood, the type generally worn while performing manual labor around the hospital but also used during mourning. In his case, it was the latter as his only sister had poisoned herself earlier that same year.

King Dalma embraced Lev in a very ceremonious way then helped him to his seat at the table before sitting down.

"Did we call at a bad time?" The King asked.

"It is always a pleasure to be in the presence of our Most Illustrious Majesties." Lev replied and smiled at the Prince. "And how is my star pupil doing today?"

"Fine, Eyre Nalev." Roarke's face was sullen and voice unconvincing.

"King Dalma, Prince Roarke, allow me to introduce... " Lev started.

"As if you're not already the talk of the whole court and army. Oh the earful I get from Paynor. He and Savlii would like nothing more than to see you horsewhipped, thrown out of the army, killed then horsewhipped some more."

"Fortunately for me your cousin doesn't rule the country." Lev said smugly.

"And he never will," Dalma promised. "How are you doing, Lev?"

"I am improving every day and should like very much if you could use your persuasion with Vay to have me released for duty soon."

"In due time, Lev. Besides if you hurry off who's going to finish teaching Roarke Ancient Dzai in time for his first Re-enactment?"

"This is the big year." Lev looked at the Prince who had a blank expression. "I assume you're concerned with more than general pronunciation," he said with a knowing look to the father.

"He'll be staying here until the beginning of Purlong. Do have him ready by then," Dalma patted Lev's hand and winked at him. "Make me proud. It's Paynor's turn to attend this year and I intend to remind him whose side of the family is in power," he said as he left the room.

"Well, grab your books from the shelf and have a seat, Prince Roarke."

It was unheard of for a page to sit down with royalty, let alone study with them but Lev was more than accommodating and the Prince couldn't have cared less. Before too terribly long Lev picked up his stick and cracked it over the Prince's writing hand. I didn't do a good enough job at stifling my laughter and both Lev and Roarke shot me an angry look before they, too, began to laugh. For the Prince it was actually more of an exasperated sigh that escaped through clenched teeth. As for me, it grew into a hearty belly laugh as I finally caught the innuendo between the King and Lev. The gaggle of priestesses would be far too busy acclimating Roarke for the less cerebral requirements of the Re-enactment to bother themselves with Lev. My life, though from perfect, had become quite tolerable.

***

The Re-enactment of Entrapment was the most highly revered tenant of the Dzai religion and also the greatest fundraiser for the House. While active participants were almost exclusively either royalty or wealthy landowners, merchants and humble politicians outbid each other for the highly coveted spectator booths. By the sheer definition of the word, it was an orgy, but a fully-orchestrated and efficiently synchronized orgy. It was considered very lucky to be conceived during the Re-enactment. Personally, I never saw the benefit of it. My mother was one of a few hundred prostitutes, it was against House custom to reveal her identity, and my father was some rich influential man with no concern for either of us. Prince Roarke and I were born within a week of each other and I had the nagging curiosity as to whether or not we were related and wound up at the opposite ends of society.

Prince Roarke was brilliant, intellectually speaking, and I enjoyed the debates he and Lev would have about the ancient texts. There were times that his mood would lift, usually after spending some time with Renet Palidora, a saucy and curvaceous red head, with who he had become quite smitten. Even so when Purlong came along I knew I'd miss his company.

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All Too Familiar, by Misha

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While en route to Kanabulan, we had the occasion to visit the Hot Springs of Ur, and I wasted no time shedding my dusty travel clothes and settled in for some long-overdue relaxation. A few moments later I was joined by Fen who lowered herself into the water complaining that it was too hot. Eburgistraten came running from the large rock where he set his clothes and jumped in with a hearty yell. Only Roarke had misgivings about joining us and he paced uncomfortably at a respectable distance.

Eventually Eburgistraten was able to persuade the reluctant king to remove his shoes and put his legs into the water which brought him closer to the conversation. Unfortunately the topic soon veered from saving the world to honoring the betrothal contract between Fen and D’Hir.

“And once I’m in Kanabulan I’ll get started with the plans. What better way to proclaim the unification of our countries than a wedding,” Eburgistraten proclaimed.

Fen looked to Roarke to say something, but he was silent. Eburgistraten also wanted his contribution to the matter.

Roarke managed a compliant, “Yes.”

I knew it wouldn’t be long before Fen voiced her concerns. Surprisingly, all of her objections were nullified by her guardian. Whatever involvements she had would be forgiven when she chose to honor the betrothal. Forgiven? Due to her respect for Burgi she chose not to lash out at him. I don’t think any other man would have gotten away with that comment. I decided to interject.

“What the two of you seem to be over-looking is the fact that legally Fen is my wife,” I stated firmly.

“To you,” Eburgistraten dismissed my comment with a roll of his eyes. “A simple annulment will take care of that.”

“I have no intention of agreeing to an annulment. Without either my willingness or Fen’s, I don’t believe you can proceed.”

“Why involve yourself in this, Misha? It’s not like you can prove you’ve consummated…” Roarke began.

“Actually we can. You fail to recognize just how familiar the court of Belaurii has been with us.”

Roarke said in disgust, “You expect me to believe that you have witnesses?”

“Yes.” I confirmed.

Roarke stood and walked far away from us. Eburgistraten slowly got out of the water. “Well, that does seem to complicate the matter.”

Fen turned to me and thanked me for defending her honor.

“To be sure, Princess, it is those men that would defend your honor. I choose to defend your interests.”

Next ->

Restoring Order, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

Roarke and I awoke alone. I had almost forgotten that luxury. We dressed and sent for breakfast. It was already waiting outside the door, but still no briefings or overbearing doting. We ate in peace. I wanted to check on the Eyre before the morning swim at the pond.

We arrived at the door and knocked, several times before Nalev answered.

"Good morning, Eyre," Roarke said. "Is everything alright?"

"Please forgive me, your highness. I slept through morning briefings."

Misha came to the door.

"Good morning, your highness. Fen," Misha started, "we go back to Gelassi in two days. Do you think you can stay out of trouble for that long?"

"Of course, Misha." I responded. "


Once at the pond, we found Zbinka and Burgi, who was still sporting a black eye from what I presumed to be his failed encounter with Nalev several days back.

"You know him best, what do you think he'll do?" Zbink asked.

"He'll have his marriage annulled. It's what he's wanted all along." Eburgistraten replied.

"And he'll have no reason to honor his treaty with us with Ksennia as his successor!" Zbinka said angrily. "I don't see where you have a choice, Eburgistraten."

"No more war, Zbinka," Burgi sighed.

"He's afraid that you'll regain your throne. What if he joins forces with Dophe and we have a war on two fronts?" Zbinka continued.

"Sounds like we missed the briefing but made it for the debate, Fen." Roarke said.

"Well, Fenaway," Burgi looked at me. "What is Gelassi's part in all of this?"

"I should think diplomacy, by all means. We can withhold our tribute to Kanabulan and press for a peaceful restoration of proper authority." I said.

"But would you fight with us, Fen?" Zbinka asked pointedly.

"I do not think that Gelassi should be used as a weapon against a man who has done nothing but foster our growth and development. I can have no part in the provocation of war," I said firmly.

"And should he strike first? Or ally himself with Dophe?" Zbinka questioned.

"Any intrusion of Kanabulan forces on Gelassi soil or an alliance with our known enemy would be considered an act of open aggression." I stated calmly.

"I believe I have greatly underestimated the number of liberated Houseborne males that will be joining you on your return to Gelassi." Zbinka probed with her statement.

After a brief pause, I replied. "I trust that after closer investigation we can remedy that error."

"Please excuse me," Zbinka said as she dismissed herself.


Later Roarke presided over the court and listened to a number of complaints from the people. We were anxious to receive news of our neighbors. Ksennia added, inadvertently, to the drama by gathering some children to teach them sword fighting. Since she was such a petite waif there were not many other suitable opponents. She was seething over father's recent decisions and, much like her mother, would like nothing more than to have the opportunity to run him through with a sword.

Though I thought it bad precedent, I sat on the Queen's throne since Zbinka was busy working her magic and because I needed to be close to Roarke, more for my own sense of well-being than his.

It was much later that evening that we received word that Queen Dophe, decrying the invasion of mercenaries on Belauriian soil, was able to rally a substantial number of southern landowners back to her side. Enlistment, voluntary or otherwise, soared with the nationalist fervor.

Zbinka assured us that the error in record keeping would be investigated day and night and she anticipated that in a month or so, there could easily be as many as three times the original reckoning of former Houseborne recruits. Roarke clearly felt some trepidation when he said farewell to D'Hir, but he did a tremendous job concealing in until we were alone.

Too soon I would be back in Gelassi and burdened with preparation for my report to father.


Zbinka, as promised, continued to find recruits for Gelassi. That was both good and bad news for us because my father was very skeptical of Gelassi's swelling forces. I endeavored to impress upon him that it was merely for our defense against Dophe. Once again he questioned the wisdom of our involvement in Belauriian politics. I reminded him that as the arrangement was purely economic, we would back out if necessary.

"You have no loyalties, Fen," he said in dismay.

"I've been raised in three courts, father. There is little else I can do but aspire to a sense of fairness and do what is best for Gelassi."

"Things were much simpler before when you knew who your enemy was."

"Roarke means you no ill will."

"Do you say that as my emissary or as his mistress?"

"I say it because it is the truth," I responded respectifully.

He looked at me and paused. "Does she hate me so much, Fen?"

"You seem to elicit that response from many women in your life, save maybe Hetta, myself and, most astonishing, Vay."

"I would make your mother Queen today if she would forgive me."

"Please forgive my bluntness, father, but no one has ever or will ever desire the throne enough for such a tall request."

"I did not want to do it," he protested.

"Yet you did."

"Even a king needs to uphold the law. There was nothing to do to alter the outcome."

"Not even a word in her defense?"

"I dared not show division with the country still at war."

"I'm truly sorry for you that your conscience only works in peace time."


I stayed on in my father's court for a couple of days, then returned to Gelassi.

Next ->

Inevitable, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

I was terribly busy at Gelassi. Tironik and I worked well together, even with our reversal of fortune. For the first time in my life I felt as though I had gained both the attention and respect of my father. Often I found myself summoned to his court. He missed my mother and was under the opinion that I could somehow convey to her how deeply troubled he was by the way she was treated by the Queen. It wasn't the time to tell him that she was happily, and secretly, married to Rad'en', so I bit my tongue and listened.

Father didn't seem to mind the way that he and the Queen treated Eburgistraten. Probably since he posed such little threat to their power. It was inconceivable to me that we were all raised by the same woman, would willingly give our life for her, yet so capable of devouring one another. Not that I was any different. I despised Ksennia from the time she was born. Eburgistraten knew it was better to have me sent away to the court of Cznorh than to be eclipsed by the little half sister.

Putting aside a lifetime of familial grievances, I had been given the awesome opportunity to begin talk of marriage between Prince D'Hir and Princess Ksennia. Zbinka, still acting Queen, was eager to make the prospect as tantalizing for all involved. We managed to have Ksennia declared sole heir to the throne of Kanabulan with the understanding that the two countries would merge at the passing of King Hezason and Queen Naeri. Amazing what a little artful negotiation and a pretty young virgin can do. The more time I spent with Ksennia the more I realized that D'Hir wouldn't hate her. In fact, he'd probably be quite smitten by her bubbly laughter and lively wit as most men were. She had gotten all of her parents' strength and agility and really none of their onerous traits. Ksennia truely was quite lovely. I felt ashamed for hating her all those years, atleast until she would blurt out whatever was on her mind followed by that annoying girlish laughter. Nobody's perfect.


Once a month, I made routine reports at Cznorh. Shortly before one visit, I was quite surprised to receive word from Zbinka that Roarke returned to court and, without controversy, regained the throne, ceremoniously thanking his loyal prince and adviser for maintaining order and peace while he was on his mission.

Roarke looked quite comfortable as he sat on his exalted throne with D'Hir, Nalev and Zbinka at his side. I approached cautiously and waited for what seemed a long time to be addressed.

"Lady Fenwick," Roarke began in a rich, even voice. "What do you want?"

"Your Highness?"

"Not you, per se. Gelassi is out of money, is it not?"

"Eltesnia refuses to do trade with us."

"I have been so informed. Gelassi pays tribute to Kanabulan. Let Kanabulan fix this problem."

"Forgive me, your Highness, but it the Houseborne were not Kanabulan's problem in the first place. If it was not for Kanabulan most of your forgotton bastard warriors would have been hunted down like animals."

"So what is it you want? Money? Supplies?"

"The people of Gelassi want one thing: dual citizenship. Once that is acheived, we firmly believe all else will follow."

"Erye Nalev, is this correct? Have we yet to offer them citizenship?"

"Yes, Your Highness. Such a decision was of so great importance to be handled without your approval."

"Well put." Roarke said.

Nalev placed a scroll in Roarke's outstretched hand which he then presented to me.

"I will not order my lords and ladies to do business with Gelassi, Lady Fenwick. But I will agree to Zbinka's request that all ceremonial tapestries, linens and table wares necessary for Prince D'Hir's wedding be purchased from the settlement." Roarke smiled and added, "I trust you will see to that detail as well."

"Yes, Your Highness."

I left the throneroom and was joined by my strolling band. I really missed those guys. A little while later I met with Zbinka, my mother and Rad'en' for supper. Afterward, I went uninvited to see Roarke. He would either speak with me or not, so I took my chances.

The musicians gave away my proximity, probably the reason they were appointed to my service in the first place. Roarke received me with a warm smile and long embrace then we were seated on a couch.

"You look well, Roarke."

"I am well. Well enough," he started. "As long as I'm going to spend the rest of my life battling demons I can do without the lice, poverty and waking up next to a sweaty over-sexed man."

"How will Burgi get along without you?" I snickered.

"As you can imagine, I was driving off the ever-impending entourage."

"He does know that Ksennia and D'Hir will inherit both kingdoms."

"His work is not done!" Roarke mocked in a stern yet inebriated tone.

We both laughed but he stopped himself then grew somber. There was never an easy reunion for us.

"How could you not tell me, Sosfena?" His voice both hurt and stern as he called me by my given name.

"Like you failed to tell me that you were coming back?"

"That was inevitable."

"I only wanted to give you good news, Roarke."

"You were carrying my child."

"And that outcome, too, was inevitable."


The following morning I awoke to the sound of Roarke's beating heart and the droning voice of Nalev, which I assumed meant that I was not really awake but still dreaming. I was incorrect.

Nalev opened the drapes allowing the early morning light to enter the room.

"What's he going on about?" I asked groggily.

"Morning briefing before breakfast."

"Did he even knock?"

"We're on a strict regiment. After breakfast we swim or fence, depending on the weather. Then onto Court."

Nalev held up a robe for me. I rolled out of bed and into it.

"Good morning, Lady Fenwick."

"Good morning, Erye."

"Can we work on the modesty, Fen?" Roarke asked.

"Are you the only person in the kingdom that doesn't know Nalev's gay?"

"Know, yes. Accepted, no." Nalev offered the distinction. "How is our dear friend Misha?"

"Missing you terribly."

"More trouble with Niko, I presume."

"Can we get back to the agenda?" Roarke persisted uncomfortably.

"Of course, Your Highness." Nalev replied.

Zbinka and a team of servants burst into the room with food and fresh floral arrangements and set a sumptuous table of breakfast breads and fruit for our enjoyment. Nalev stopped mid-sentence, approached her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Good morning, darling," she replied warmly. Then she turned to me. "Lady Fenwick, you look dreadful."

While the comment was probably rooted in fact since I was up all night crying, it was a reminder of what drove me crazy with Ksennia. What was it with these two?


It was impossible to remain angry with Zbinka, especially when her numerous connections as both high society diva and political activist allowed me the lovely parting gift of no less than 40 young men, many of whom had been "misplaced" Houseborne, and a dozen young women eager to study at the much underutilized university at Gelassi. They brought with them both the blessings and financial backing of their wealthy parents. This enabled me to work with father on funding for the school and opening the doors to those less fortunate.

Next ->

When perservance is your only miracle, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

Proper homes were being planned and erected in Gelassi and the tents packed up in the storehouse beside the armory. More and more the lines and angles were becoming straight and most houses could survive a proper storm. Ornamental gardens were maturing and the dust from the roads and walkways minimized by river rock.

Eyre Nalev visited the settlement often and his presence seemed to subdue Vay to a certain degree. Any calming factor was welcome. The new mandate in Gelassi was for education. Since there were not many children around, this was primarily meant to convince the Houseborne that it was time for them to undo the wrong done to them by generations of societal abuse. A beautiful, almost palatial structure was built for scholarly endeavors and the women of the House quickly filled it with their countless volumes of knowledge that they had been scribing if not authoring for centuries.

The friction between the silken intellectuals and the trained killers had not dissipated much, nor had it turned into great lusty romances that would at very least have provided the next generation of settlers. No, it was only tension that permeated every blessed encounter day in and day out. Therefore, the mandate was designed to bring the whole situation to an immediate head. The men would either take their education seriously or they would be subjected to an arranged marriage, placing us in the match-making business, even though our personal relationships should have clearly shown our incompetency in such matters.

It was during this time that I received word that Roarke had taken ill and wasn't responding to either women or strong drink, which were Burgi's infamous remedies. I didn't bother to respond by messenger but gathered my things and left with only the briefest note to Misha and Tironik about where I was going.

I arrived at a small, dirty lodging called "The Restful Arms." Burgi was inside giving his sermon on unification from a tabletop in the bar. His presentation skills had gotten much better, even without his other half. I ordered a drink and sat down.

Many boos and hisses later, Burgi was finished and sat down beside me. "Fenaway, how are you?" He glowed as much as from his sense of mission as the drink.

"I am well, Burgi. I see that they're hearts have not opened to the truth."

"It will happen. I must persevere." He took another drink. "I don't know what to do about Roarke. I'm at my wit's end."

"He walks in darkness."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"The same darkness that claimed his uncle and sister." I stated.

"Come now, Fen. He was just fine. How could he suffer from the same illness?"

"He is fine one day then he is not. That is the way it has been since the killings."

"Well, what can we do?" Burgi asked.

"Wait."

"That's a relief. It's already been two weeks, so he should be done soon. We have a lot of work to do."

"I'm afraid that your timetable has no meaning to him now."

"It is not my timetable!" He was indignant.

"I understand. I will see what I can do."

Eburgistraten tossed a key on the table and took another drink. "Thank you," I said and walked away.

Roarke was sleeping when I entered the room. After setting down my things, I opened the drapes just enough to for some gentle illumination. He stirred.

"Hello, Roarke." I said as I sat beside him on the bed and placed my hand gently on his arm. He rolled onto his back and looked at me blankly.

"Hello, Fen," he said quietly.

"I'm afraid Burgi's mission doesn't allocate much time and energy for patience."

"Why would they send me on a mission and not make me well? It doesn't make any sense, Fen. Of what use to them I am I like this?" His voice cracked as he spoke.

I moved my hand to his chest and he grasped it with both of his. "I don't think anyone can answer that. But it will pass. It always does."

"I was sure it would all be different. I wanted to believe so badly. And now, everything seems so futile."

"Burgi needs you. I just came from his afternoon talk and it is lacking your warmth and sincerity."

"I have nothing to give."

"Maybe not today. Perhaps tomorrow, or the next day. The darkness will lift."

"Look at me, Fen. No money, no country... I've given up everything for this mission. Why, Fen? Why?"

"I don't know. I can only offer to stay by your side and help you. But you have to find your way back."

"I'm not sure I can this time."

"You have to, Roarke. Do you have any idea what it would do to D'Hir to lose you like this? He is so afraid this will await him."

"D'Hir is strong. He is untouched by this."

"You forget that I know him better than probably anyone else. There is so much pain that he dares not show you. " I paused. "I know that you love him very much and that the reason that seduced me was to get him out of the contract."

"Fen--" he began.

"Don't deny it, Roarke. It will do you no good because I know it to be true in my own heart. And once you changed your mind about me you wanted to fix the mistake you made and make everything right for your son. I can forgive you for being wrong. Can you?"

He turned away from me again. I kissed him on the ear. I walked over to my bag and took out my lyre. My lessons from the priestess had not produced much in the way of easily recognizable music, but I trusted that even my feeble attempts would mean something to Roarke.



After spending much time on the road with Roarke and Eburgistraten a messenger from my father finally caught up with me. This time he wasn't ordering me.

"That's poetic," I said to my companions. "He wants to put his bastard child in charge of the settlement."

"Replacing Tironik?" Eburgistraten asked.

"Replacing Naeri." I replied. "Burgi, could you please excuse us for a few moments?"

"I'll be in the bar drinking to your good fortune." After Eburgistraten left there was an unsettling silence. "Roarke, I need to do this."

"Of course."

"Come back with me," I pleaded.

"I can't."

"Burgi will find someone else. He's gaining support. You hate doing this." I insisted.

"Even if that were all true... "

"It is."

"Yes, it is." He paused and took my hands in his. "Fen, you tempt me with that which my heart desires most, but I must see this through."

Next ->

"Imposter and the Madman," from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

The next day Burgi decided that we would return triumphantly to Kanabulan where he would announce that all three kingdoms, and the infant settlement of Gelassi, will be joined together in perfect union as prescribed by the holy forces of our world. Given his strong paternal bond with Naeri, his life-long friendship with Hezason and the fact that he was in all actuality the rightful king of Kanabulan, the outcome could have been much better.

Queen Naeri was not only quite eager to see her father but was apologetic that Hezason had already left for his visit to their northern most court of Cimonea. There we exchanged pleasantries over supper before Burgi revealed the details of his mission. Naeri gave us her utmost attention before having a servant show us to our quarters. She would would be traveling to Cimonea with her attendants the following morning and assured us that she would discuss the details with Hezason at once.

Feeling quite jubilant at the encounter we decided to move for Cznorh early the next morning. The day was bright and our spirits high as we entered the capital. Then our hopes were quickly dashed to pieces as D'Hir was too busy to receive us and Eyre Nalev seemed similarly indisposed. It seemed that Rad'en' was designated to deal with us. Rad'en' was so charming that I needed to continually remind myself that we were being snubbed.

This continued for several days and we got no further along. To make matters worse we received a word that King Hezason had flatly refused to collaborate with an "obvious impostor and a madman." He also made sure to order me back to my duties in Gelassi as Tironik's aide. I was still showing the two dejected kings around Gelassi when Misha informed us that rather than risk any further discord with either parent country, the official position would be to stay neutral. In other words, the men could stay long enough to rest and contemplate their next move. Assuming that it was to continue with their holy mission, they would be asked to find another base for operations. Eburgistraten and Roarke, fully dedicated to their just cause, left Gelassi a short while later.

Next ->

Post #1: Introduction by Roarke

Maybe some would say of King Eburgistraten that he led a charmed life: full of women, great riches and power. As the youngest of five princes of the third tier his main desire was not to outlive all four cousin brothers. Eburgistraten was much too passionate a man to want anything to do with sacrificing humanity, especially his, to ascend Kanabulan’s Throne Eternal. Existence void of all emotion in the shadow of the High Queen was more than any man should have to endure. Each of the four kings that preceded him eagerly accepted this fate, believing that its promise of immortality and decisions unencumbered by human desires would make him the king of all generations: a great leader, provider, peacemaker, rich beyond measure and wise as the gods themselves. All of them succumbed to the madness and begged with their last shred of reason for death to come at the hand of the one being capable of ending their turmoil: the High Queen.

From "The Book of Ara", Page 14

Of kindred ties and lovers woes,

upon the heart such grief bestows.

But here am I and no one knows,

that deep in me this tempest blows.


Next ->

Following the Music, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

I returned to my friends in the court and contemplated a visit back to Kanabulan to see Hetta, possibly even my father. Misha and Nalev spent endless hours talking about plans for Gelassi and incorporating the Houseborne into the settlement. They had hopes that I could soften my father's relationship with the growing militarily trained population encroaching on his eastern border. The women of the House were being gradually moved into the settlement to make it seem less intimidating, at least to the outside observer. Truth was that the brothers and sisters of the House seemed not only diametrically opposed but poised to destroy the other rather than mating and forming a stable, sustainable town. With all of that chaos, sex and violence, how could I not want to get involved?

Before too long Roarke had resurfaced and could be found from time to time, in all places, on his throne. I kept my distance from him.

One night after supper I heard music coming from the hallway. I walked outside to listen. After a few moments the small band of three men slowly walked away from me. I had nothing better to do so I followed them. They traveled up and down the corridors and eventually into the royal gardens. I hesitated, but followed them there as well. Although I was afraid that Roarke was trying to meet with me to beg for forgiveness, but he was nowhere to be found. Consequently, I got to enjoy the music on my own. After a while I started to walk away and the band followed me. I went over to the pond and lay down on the ground watching the stars while I listened to my private concert.

It was rather relaxing and I fell asleep. They were still playing when I awoke. It was sweet, but I was cold from the ground and wanted my bed. I walked back to my room, the band following me all the way. I opened my door, turned to them and said goodnight. It didn't seem like they were going to leave.

When I entered my room I found all of my things from Belaurii had been brought in and there were candles and flowers everywhere. There was a note on my table.

"I wanted you to feel at home. Your mother graciously assisted. -R"

I put the note in my desk drawer, along with the other letters from Roarke and his shirt. Then as the band played on, I fell into a restful slumber in the comfort of my bed.


The next morning I actually sought out Roarke, only to find that he had left to complete his mission to save the world and taken Nalev, Tironik and Paynor with him.

Next ->

When It All Comes Together, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

After being well cared for by the entire court, I was ready to return to the side of my beloved for better or worse. I expected to knock on the tower door and resume where we left off. Roarke had other intentions. With my body, mind and soul in such disarray, I didn't care about his intentions and I banged on the door and screeched at him until I heard the latch lifted on the other side.

I slowly opened the door myself and walked into the dark tower, lit only by one solitary candle on one of the tables. Roarke shuffled back to corner he was using for a bed. I went to the table and sat down. "Thank you." I said firmly. There was no reply. Judging from the scrolls before me, Roarke had been following a lead to the whereabouts of the missing stone--right into the grave of a Belauriian Queen some two thousand years before the entrapment. Knowing that a sacred burial site would be off limits even to him, he was again in despair.

"What was it, Roarke? A necklace?"

"A ring."

"You're sure it was a ring?"

"I saw a drawing of Queen Abernathy with the ring in the '7th Book of Knowledge'." Roarke muttered.

"Where is that?"

"Over there."

"Were in a large, dark room. Do you think you could be more helpful."

"Third bookshelf to the right of the central window, halfway down, large --"

"You know they all look alike. I'm trying to help you here, Roarke." I scolded him.

He got up and went straight to the book and placed it on the table next to the open scroll. In a few moments he had found the picture with the details of the jeweler who designed the ring for her and had already started to walk away.

I studied the drawing carefully then smiled. "You won't find it in her grave."

"I know I won't. There's no way to have her exhumed. She's buried in sacred soil in Belaurii."

"You don't need to exhume anyone. That ring wasn't buried with her."

"Of course it was. It says so..."

"Do you believe everything you read? I'm telling you I know where that ring is." I tried to wait it out to get back some of his enthusiasm.

"Where is it?" He didn't believe me for a moment.

"With my former mistress. It's her most prized possession."

"And how did Dophe get it?"

"How should I know? But she has it. I've seen it dozens of times. She used to stare at while she was losing at cards. You couldn't miss it. Now how do we get our hands on it... I have an idea. We could get D'Hir--"

"Absolutely not."

"You didn't even hear me out."

"D'Hir must have nothing to do with this!" He snapped.

"You've become an insufferable kranch."

"And you've exhausted your welcome. Goodbye, Fen."

Next ->

That Answer is Unacceptable, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

"Don't be absurd, Nalev. I just saw him yesterday," I protested. I had been to Roarke's library and was denied entrance.

"He will not see you now. He doesn't accept my visits when he's like this."

"Are you saying you're running the country?"

"I lend my assistance where ever it's needed. Right now, I must prepare Arbanji to lead."

"You simply dismiss your King?"

"Eltesnia has been through much and we must be strong."

"It tears at him for what he did to Paynor."

"Paynor is in prison where he can do no further harm to anyone."

"In prison?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yes." Nalev's eyes set on me. "What did he tell you, child?"

"Roarke told me that he cut his head off while he slept."

"You can not begin to imagine the agony and isolation of what the king has been through. Whatever stories he has told you are very real to him."

"How long will he stay there?"

"It's difficult to say. Perhaps a few days. Time means nothing to him when he's like this."

"Thank you for seeing me, Nalev."

I held out my hand. Nalev kissed it and said with a nod, "Lady Fenwick."


Day after day I returned to the tower and slid my letters under the door. It was so cold and silent. I hardly ever heard any sound from inside. Soon I started to take a small stool with me and busy myself with needlework while I made idle one-sided chatter with the silent royal guards. It would be nearly three weeks of tenaciously waiting before my luck would change.

This time when I said good morning to my two resolute statues, one responded, "You may enter." I thanked them kindly and walked in to the library.

The entire tower was the library. Books, scrolls, maps and artifacts lined countless shelves and tables. Highly ornate and jewel encrusted swords hung on the walls. There were a few large tapestries suspended in an odd arrangement in one corner of the room. It was from there that I heard Roarke's voice.

"Fenaway, in here." He called.

I stepped inside the make-shift room to find Roarke soaking in a bath, attended to by four servants. There was scarcely room for me but he motioned for me to have a seat on a chair out of the way.

"Your Highness." I greeted him warily.

"I wanted to speak with you, Fenaway." His voice was full of energy. "I had hoped to be done with all this before you got here. It feels just too damn good to be in here. This is the fourth bath they drew for me today."

"Perhaps Your Highness is in need of a vacation by the sea."

"Probably right." He reached for a piece of fruit from a small table beside the tub and tossed it to me before taking one for himself. "But there's something more pressing at the moment and I'm hoping you might be of assistance." He motioned to his servants. "You may leave."

"Of course." I replied humbly.

Roarke quickly ate his fruit. I could tell from the mostly untouched trays of food left outside the library door that he hadn't eaten much in the past weeks. Though I tried not to seem uneasy, I found myself studying the fruit in my hand and slowly ate, enjoying what little distraction I had available.

"Hand me my towel."

I stood and complied with his request. He lost his balance getting out of the tub and I reached out to steady him. He thanked me then gave me a very awkward quick kiss on the lips before taking a bite out of the apple in my hand. Roarke wrapped himself in a robe and walked out of the tapestries.

"Out here, Fen." He poked his head back inside and motioned for me to join him.

Roarke was anxious to tell me all about his vast library and the holy mission he was on to put the world back into balance. His voice was higher than usual as he tried to fit volumes of information and conjecture into one morning. My head reeled trying to keep up with him but his giddiness and enthusiasm were intoxicating and contagious. I marveled at his behavior and wondered if he was ever truly the same person twice.

"The answer is here, Fenaway, I know it. It's just a matter of finding the right connection. Now that you're here I can just about taste success."

"You want me to help you?"

"Yes, oh, yes. I should have sent for you a long time ago. You're the only one that makes sense."

I had to agree with him.


Roarke had some of my things sent up to the tower and tagged along with him on his intellectual and spiritual journey. He read, studied, pontificated and puzzled almost without ceasing. Time began to lose meaning for me and its passage was most noticeable by the growth of the child within me. It had been a while since I had seen Misha, or anyone other than the guards outside the tower door. He had sent me a letter saying that he was going to Gelassi with Nalev to work on the settlement. It was odd that he didn't come to say goodbye in person, but at that time most things were extraordinary, and not always in the good way.

The first time I saw Roarke reading from the forbidden books of the imponderables I felt myself grow pale and weak. He insisted that he was working to achieve a greater good and that he could not be bound by superstitious conventions. He could be tried for heresy and I along with him for being party to his betrayal of the tenants. Adeptly he quoted centuries of scholars and priests to prove his point. Of course, all of them had died a horrible and tragic death as heretics to prove mine.

The imponderables, it seemed, could be controlled or at least manipulated as in the entrapment of the Lane. When Eburgistraten freed the Lane, it was only half of the solution.

"Jaun Sei cites legends from the oral tradition of 'Chasing Seera.' But, you see, it is actually Seera who is doing the chasing." Roarke was quite emphatic.

"Seera is chasing ... the Lane?" I was confused.

"Yes, you do see!" He embraced me for a quick moment then practically jumped backward toward an open scroll. "In his sonnet number 57 he speaks of the Ara not as the innocent of Dzai tradition, but as an ancient. And an ancient prisoner at that. She seduced him and gave birth to a child she called Aloyna. When the Aloyna was a little girl, Ara told Seera that she drowned in the River Iber. But she hadn't died at all but was sent to live with a far away tribe of people. Jaun Sei contends that it is through Aloyna that the sight was born. Seera, it is said, must track Ara through each of his reincarnations to protect us all."

I looked him in disbelief.

"Jaun Sei was one of the few writers of the imponderables not to be put to death."

"Only exiled from Belaurii after starting a civil war." I stated flatly. As the mistress of Neopar, I knew all about both the rift and the prophecy of reunification.

"He was Nalev's grandfather. Life is full of little ironies." Roarke chuckled.

"Wasn't it the stone that allowed the entrapment?"

"Absolutely. A stone unique in all the world. Probably not even from this world."

"And it was returned with Ara Lane."

"Yes."

"Then please tell me what we are looking for."

"The stone, my Fenaway, was split in two in ancient times. When we find the missing stone, we can open the portal between the worlds and send Seera through."

"Seera?"

"Seera."

"You know where Seera is?"

"Metaphorically speaking, of couse."

"Does he exist? Yes or no?"

"Yes."

"And you know who he is?"

"Yes." His voice was more somber now. "He is Paynor."

"Paynor? Why would you think it is Paynor?"

"What more do you want from me, Fen?"

"The truth, Roarke. We can face it together." I pleaded.

"One answer and you look upon me with pity, another and it is with horror. How is it possible for me to choose between the two?"

"I have pledged myself to you. It is enough for me that you know the truth."

Roarke turned away from me and said, "I think you should go now."

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Audience, from Fen's Memoirs

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We reached Cznorh the following evening finding food and lodging, the latter being of more personal interest. Weary and dust-covered from the ride, my preoccupation was seeking audience with Roarke. The wait was maddening. Days passed with each request either ignored or denied. We tried to contact Nalev and even D'Hir, but still did not receive the sought after response.

Finally, it was Nalev's son Rad'en' who agreed to meet with us in the acting Queen's quarters. I had heard much about him from Misha. While Zbinka was always boastful of her husband's principles and character, Rad'en' was anything but. Because he was an officer in the King's Army his father and his page were a constant cause for ridicule. He often railed against his mother that she had nothing to do all day but have tea, make idle conversation and throw lavish parties. More often than not, his anger was stored up for those rare occasions where he and Misha were together. At their last encounter, Rad'en' informed him that if he crossed back into Eltesnia he would be killed on sight.


It was fortuitous that I felt ill and lost my supper all over Rad'en' before he and Misha could resort to anything stronger than insults. Begrudgingly, he said he would speak with his father on our behalf.


Two long days later, I was granted my audience with the king.


I was scarcely more than a child when I last was present in the court at Cznorh. As I had no desire to encounter either D'Hir or Zyta, I considered myself fortunate that there were no familiar faces to welcome me. Eyre Nalev received us then directed me to follow a guard to the royal gardens.


I had to look for quite a while to find Roarke who was pacing quietly throughout one of the many secluded pathways near the center of the gardens near the pond. The chill was from more than the morning air when he spoke to me.

"Lady Fenwick."

"King Roarke," I replied with a faint curtsy. "So good of you to receive me."

He looked at me with a blank expression that was a poor mask for his annoyance with my persistence.

"You have put me in a very awkward position by coming to my court. Do you know how many times I have heard from King Neopar since you and Misha wandered off?"

"It was not my intent to inconvenience anyone by my actions. I did what I believe to be best for all concerned. "

"Is it true?"

I knew that he was referring to my being pregnant and only hoped that his sense of propriety might hamper any further questions. He studied me from head to toe and although I didn't much care for his condescending air.

"Yes."

"Do you have any idea what I've been through here?"

"I felt your pain as I read your letters and wished with all of my being for a way to ease your languish."

"This was not it."

"No, I don't suppose it was."

"You may stay."

"You are most generous, your highness." I nodded politely while trying to maintain my composure from the giddiness I felt bubbling up.

It turned out to be my breakfast bubbling up. But I was content, none the less.

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A New Order, from Fen's Memoirs

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I stayed many days at the seaside thanks to the gracious hospitality by the locals toward the king's mistress. Even though I had traveled with only the clothes on my back there was such an outpouring of gifts that I in turn needed to give away before my departure.

The journey, at a relaxed pace, took the better part of a day. After taking my horse back to the stables I went to my quarters to change and rest before the evening meal. Soon there was a knock at my door. It was Misha holding a letter.

"I heard you were back." He came inside and handed the letter to me.

"Thank you," I said. I recognized the Hetta's handwriting at once.

My Dearest Fen,

If you are reading this, please know that I am sorry that I did
not have the chance to say goodbye in person. I have been in service to your family for three generations, loving each of you as my own.

After you left, I received word from Vay that a great friend of mine in the House has begun a rapid decline and her memory is quickly fading. For whatever time she may have left and despite whatever the toll it will take on me, I must be at her side. I pray that you will understand and forgive my hasty departure. I am set to leave
with King Roarke and D'Hir who have graciously offered to send be the rest of the way to Kanabulan with escort. I can teach you no more, my dear Fen.

With Much Affection,

Your adoring Hetta

I cried. It was a much needed release. I buried my head on Misha's chest and he put his arms around me.

"This isn't about Hetta, is it?" I shook my head. "There is another letter for you."

"God--not from D'Hir," my voice crackled.

"Not from D'Hir. I wouldn't expect to hear from him any time soon."

I looked up at him and he smiled warmly. "Well?"

"Yes, give it to me."

"Please."

"Yes, please, Misha. May I have the letter?"

"There will be a lecture later." Misha reached into his shirt and handed me another letter. I looked at it for a moment.

"Is it from--?"

"Yes."

"Read it to me."

"Absolutely not."

"Have you read it?"

"No, but he handed it to me personally."

"Did he say anything to you?"

"He said, 'Please give this to Fen.' Now if you want to know anything more, open the damn letter!" He left the room.

I tore open the letter and sat down on the couch.

Dear Lady Fenwick,

We leave today to Cznor. In all this time since you've been gone
I have not regained sufficient courage to speak freely with the King and Queen. I shall be eternally grateful for the trust and kindness between us. As I return to my home, it is my utmost concert that D'Hir and I must suffer the loss of our loved ones once more, only now as we rewrite history with the truth that must be told I fear is will be more painful to him than the lies.

I must apologize to you, Fen, that I have you at a terrible disadvantage. D'Hir's letters to me spoke countless volumes of your warmth, beauty and great tenacity. When the dust has settled, I should like very much to have the opportunity to see you again.

Until then,

Roarke

I read it twice more before placing it in a locked drawer along with the letter from Hetta. As I went to pick up the pitcher from my vanity to have it sent down to the kitchen for some warm water, my foot caught on something on the floor. It was Roarke's shirt. I folded it and placed it with the letters.

Next ->

Fenaway, from Fen's Memoirs

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I was startled to find him already inside, naked to the waist and cleaning himself after the fight. Surprise turned to horror as I saw the thick scars across his back. He laid the towel he was using down on my vanity and turned to face me.

"I said I needed quiet, Fenaway, not solitude."

I offered him a clean robe and we sat together on my couch. Though the image was already burned into my head, it was improper for me ask.

"Thank you," I said quietly, "For defending my honor."

"Without honor, we are nothing. In that Misha and I are in complete agreement." His eyes were peering deep into me. The tables had been turned on me. "I'm sorry, Fenaway. I have failed you--both of you and brought dishonor on the alliance Burgi and I vowed to protect at all cost."

It had been such a long since I heard that name. Only Burgi had called me that as a child. 'Fen, away from the knives, the wine, the older boys...' It spoke to me of the closeness between those two men, caught on opposite ends of the war, yet cut into my very soul. I closed my eyes for a moment and fought off the tears. He was good.

"I'm listening." His hand slowly brushed away an errant tear from my cheek. I caught his hand and held on and waited.

"There were rumblings in the council against my father. Many feared that his deep ties with the House were a disadvantage to the other sects. They were mere rumblings when I sent you and D'Hir here. None of those loyal to my father had any idea how swift the tide would change against us. Vay and all members of the House were barred from entry to both court and council. We foolishly believed that our actions would appease the opposition. There was a fleeting calm before the plague descended upon us, brought on not by god but a violent coup."

"The council had them killed?"

"Until only I remained, with no will left to challenge them. Paynor needed a figure head to keep the country from falling into anarchy."

"Eyre Nalev?"

"With the end of the holy war Nalev returned to victorious. Instead of a hero's welcome, he was thrown in prison. His wife Zbinka helped to restore order and justice to the court. It was she who appealed to Paynor to allow for Misha to be found and sent to you and D'Hir, and was greatly surprised that he agreed."

"D'Hir knows nothing of this?"

"Three days ago, Fen," he started. "Three days ago I poisoned the council like the vermin they were. But that wasn't good enough for the mastermind Paynor. I would take no chances with him." Roarke let out an uneasy laugh and bit his lip. "After years of being robbed of all I loved, my dignity and my country I severed the head of the beast as he slept. And what of that do I tell my only son and heir to the throne?"

"The truth. What else is there for you?"

"We need you, Fen. D'Hir's letters to me gave me strength when all else was lost. He wrote only of you. All those years, Fen, only of you. Together we can make some sense of this."

"I can not return with you. D'Hir knows that." I said.

"You know I would be within my rights to hold you to that agreement, despite all of this."

"I know you will do what is right for D'Hir and not deny him the chance to have someone worthy of his attention."

"He's sleeping with the Queen, isn't he?"

I looked away. Judging by the trembling in his voice, he blamed himself for that as well." And you, are you happy here?"

"Being Ompar's mistress affords me many freedoms I would not otherwise enjoy."

"Ompar?" Roarke chuckled. "You will think me a great hypocrite..."

"You are among friends here. You have my word that no harm will come to you."

He brought his face close to mine. There was no more talk either past or future, only one moment that blended into the next, all too perfect for words. When at last he fell asleep, I pulled away from his embrace and he rolled peacefully onto his stomach. I kissed his ear and softly ran my fingertips across his back and knew that nothing could rival the scars to his soul. It pained me to leave him there, but he would not be surprised. I quickly got dressed and went into the night. I rode faster and farther that I had ever gone on my own. I rode and rode, all the way to the sea. But there was no peace for me there, only solitude.

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