Beard, by Misha

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It was just after supper when I joined Nalev on his balcony. I handed him a fresh bottle of wine.

"I received a note from Zbinka saying that you wanted to see me." I began.

"Still forging my name, is she?" Nalev replied.

"Congratulations, Lev."

"And to you, Misha. Citizenship in your third country. Quite the accomplishment. I'll get glasses."

"No need for the propriety." I said and we were both seated.

"I hear things are quiet under Tironik's watchful eye." Nalev commented.

"For now."

"Until Neopar jerks your strings a little bit harder," Lev snapped.

"Neopar pays well for his protection."

"My men have become a band of mercenaries."

"We fight to protect the interests of Kanabulan and Eltesnia. We can not forget the depths of treachery of which Dophe is capable." I insisted.

"King Roarke has absolved her of her involvement in the coup."

"All the more reason for those of strong mind and sound judgment to share their influence in his court." I went to rub my beard out of habit and felt very naked in its absence.

Nalev took a long drink from the bottle. "Quite true, old friend." Nalev paused. "If Binky sent you to hasten the divorce, you shouldn't waste your time."

"Of course you must have your reasons," I said.

"Of course," Nalev replied curtly.

"I'd just hate to think that your dragging your heels to exercise some control over her."

"Don't be ridiculous. I have the utmost respect for the woman."

"So why not cut her free?" I asked.

"So she can run off with that reckless lout Eburgistraten? He'd only drain her of her inheritance and break her heart."

"Zbinka's a big girl, Lev. I don't think you need to worry about her." I took the bottle of wine from Nalev. "I can assure you this isn't about Eburgistraten."

"If it's not about him, then why is he spending so much with her?"

I smiled. "It's not really for me to say."

"Then how can I be convinced?"

"He's been asking about you."

"About me? What about me?" Nalev asked naively.

"Seems he fancies you."

"Don't be preposterous. The man's had as many wives as--"

"You've had prostitutes?" I retorted.

"You can't compare a member of the clergy to a philanderer like that."

"Step down from your tower, Lev. Let what's transpired in the line of duty slip quietly into the past and get on with your life." I paused for a moment. "Then, again I can just let him know that you're not interested."

"I don't like hasty decisions."

"You called the man a lout," I reminded him.

"I may have misjudged the man, but please don't tell me Zbinka wants a divorce on my account."

"She's many things, but not self-less. Neither one of us are."

"What's she after, Misha? Or should I say who? Is it her hunter beau?"

"No."

"The merchant trader from Belaurii?"

"No." I replied flatly.

"Do I know him?"

"Quite well."

"Come now, Misha. If you tell me that it's you, I'll have to disagree with that statement wholeheartedly," Nalev's tone was joking.

"Certainly wouldn't be the first time we've disagreed."

"I know you had a little tryst to punish me and Binky doesn't take no for an answer." Nalev reasoned.

"You're not taking me seriously. I am Rad'en's father."

"But you're asking me to believe you've been bedding my wife all these years?" Nalev scoffed.

"One of us had to," Misha muttered.

"Why wouldn't you tell me?"

"There was too much at stake, until now."

Nalev took another drink.

"Will you sign?" I persisted.

"Yes."

"Good. Drink up," I slapped him on the shoulder. "I'll send Burgi over with the papers."


Rad'en' invited me to his quarters for lunch. he said he was getting tired of seeing my dejected demeanor and hoped that spending time with my grandson would do me some good. While Mand'er napped through our meal, Rad'en' told me of his plans to take the Prince with him to Belaurii and introduce him to some long-over due military training. There were minor rumblings from forces loyal to Queen Dophe, but nothing that posed real, imminent threat.

In a few days I would return to Gelassi equipped with supplies, horses and fresh recruits, all thanks mainly to his mother's efforts. We received word that Naeri had uncovered a plot to expose her affair with Tironik and had fled to for Belaurii. There really was no good way for that to work itself out. Hezason, though elated to be rid of her, now had more time on his hands to scheme to reclaim his lost Taisia.

"Can't we just tell him already?" Rad'en' fumed.

"She's your wife, you tell him," I retorted and rubbed my jaw. I was still feeling quite naked without my beard.

The nurse came out with Mand'er and handed him to me. It had been a long time since I held a baby and I was sure I was to blame for jostling him too much and making him throw up all over my shoulder. Rad'en' laughed at me and tried to clean the mess, insisting all the while that it was his fault for not warning me that he often does that right after eating.

"I remember how much I loved you when I was a child, both of you, really, even though I rarely saw you at the same time." Rad'en' commented. "No matter how much I acted out, you always seemed to listen to me. Slightest little thing and mother wouldn't speak to me for days."

"I was concerned about how you'd take the news," I said with some trepidation.

"About mother? After I thought about it a while I came to the absurd revelation that you were the glue that kept the whole damn arrangement from falling apart. It was always about a cause with mother, but I don't suspect it was the same with you and Nalev."

"Time to put all that to rest. We could all use a fresh start." I said anxious to end the discussion.

"When did any of you ever choose the easy path? Is this what you really want?"

"Yes."

"I don't believe you. I would go as far as to say that you were still letting mother speak for you." Rad'en' accused.

"Rad'en'--"

"No, hear me out. I've spend most of my life trying to get rid of you. Mother needs her freedom, but is that so important to you or Nalev?"

"We've both done and said unconscionable things." I muttered.

"What about trying to throw him to that insufferable kranch Eburgistraten? How was that supposed to help?" Rad'en' snapped.

"We thought it would--" I paused. "Yes, that was a terrible idea."

"My mother's terrible idea?"

"Yes," I admitted.

"He's lost without you, and he's hurting. I'd wager the only one feeling worse over this whole matter is you."



So I left son and grandson and decided it was time to speak with Lev. He opened the door and invited me in. I considered that act in itself no small victory.

"I'm sorry," I blurted out.

"Sorry? You've stolen my wife, my son and my trust. Are you sorry about all of those, or is it a more selective apology?" Nalev asked stoically.

"All of those," I responded meekly.

He contemplated my face. "Very well. Is there anything else? Would you like a drink?"

"No, thank you."

"You're sure?" Nalev persisted.

"About the drink," I felt I needed to clarify.

"I think I'd like something, just the same." He brought over a bottle and two glasses. "In case you change your mind." He poured and I thanked him. He waited. "Well, go on."

"I miss you."

"You miss me?" He repeated.

"Yes."

"What exactly do you miss about me?"

I got up and walked around the room. For so many years I needed to believe there was hope for Lev and me. If I opened my mouth and spoke the truth there would be no going back to pretending.

"I miss the way you say my name, having you snore in my ear like a little kitten. I miss the way you rub your foot against my leg until you fall asleep. I miss you knowing what I'm about to say before I say it. Watching you hide your vegetables or failing to achieve a meditative state because you start humming and break your concentration."

"And you laugh at me. You never were very supportive of my clerical endeavors."

"I'd laugh with you," I corrected. "Then we'd have the most absolutely unbelievable sex. I miss doing everything with you, and doing nothing."

Nalev took a drink and walked toward me.

"I love you, Misha."

"I know."

"I never told you that and I'm sorry. I deluded myself into believing that it would somehow allow me to retain some level of control. I loved you from the first moment I saw you." Nalev paused for a brief moment and commented, "You've shaved."

"Yes, I did." Then I got back on point, "Lev, it was so easy for us in the beginning."

"Arguably too easy. Far to many sleepless nights and unending days."

"I don't know how to get back," I confessed.

"Don't you?" He began to smile as I studied his face.

"You noticed?"

"Of course I did. I despise those things. You shaved last week." Nalev replied.

"Do you?" I asked.

"You know I do. I found it most interesting that you'd shaved right before you came to tell me about your undying love for my wife."

"Ex-wife," I corrected.

"She's always had a terrible thing for beards."

"You bastard!" I exclaimed. Lev laughed at me then kissed me.

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"I Cheated," by Misha

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Fen decided to join me in Gelassi where we threw ourselves into our labor. We wondered when or if we would ever see those we loved again, but refrained from giving shape to those fears and insecurities. Eburgistraten had been gone for years and there was little hope of his return. So after only a few days, a messenger caught me completely by surprise with a note from Tironik.

My Dear Misha,

There has been an accident. Nalev has been gravely injured and I alone have stayed behind to take care of him. I know what he means to you, to all of us, and I could not leave him in the care of strangers. I pray that you and Fen reach us in time.

Yours, Niko

We arrived at the tiny Inn of the Teapot and found Tironik reading to the non-responsive and heavily bandaged Nalev in a small room to one side of the kitchen. Tironik got up at once to greet us with a hearty embrace then poked his head outside to call to the cook for some food.

"What happened? Robbers?" I asked.

"He lost his footing on some slippery rocks and tumbled a good way down. It was just an accident. It could have happened to any of us."

"What about the rest of the party?" Fen asked.

"I've sent scouts to find their trail, to see if they made it to the next stop, but to no avail. It's like they just vanished. There was so much confusion after the accident. I'm sorry that I don't have better news."

"He's said nothing?" I sat beside Lev.

"He said, 'I cheated'. That was really all. He's been in and out since then, never much longer than to take a few drinks."

"Niko, let's go wait on the food." Fen suggested.


I wasn't hungry. Rad'en' soon arrived said his greetings and left for the bar with Niko and Fen. I suppose I wasn't much better company than Lev. My attempts at reading to him proved futile because I kept getting choked up. Why did he always get himself into such grave danger? And why did I still care? The answer to both was simple: Lev was Lev.

Hours passed as I stayed by his bed. I must have drifted off because I remember waking up to fingers passing through my hair. It felt very comfortable and peaceful so I laid still for a few moments. Then I remembered where I was. I had fallen asleep on Lev's arm while leaning out of my chair. I looked up at him and smiled.

"You look like shit," Lev proclaimed in a weak raspy voice.

I tried to quickly compose myself. "At death's door and all you could say was 'I cheated'." I handed him a cup. His shaky hands reached for it and I sat on the bed to help him. He was obviously in bad shape if he allowed my assistance.

"I knew I wasn't dying."

"You did, did you?"

"Well, perhaps there was some doubt in my mind. I wouldn't want to upset things between you and the 'good doctor' though."

"When are you going to stop trying to protect me from my own life?" I asked.

He took another drink and said, "I love you."

"Thank you."

"Did that somehow make all the problems between us magically vanish?"

"Not at all." I leaned over, kissed his forehead and whispered, "There wouldn't be any fun in that."

He let out a small laugh that probably hurt his cracked ribs because he winced terribly, but his hand rested on my leg and I felt closer to him that I had in a very long time.

"How did you do it?" I asked. He looked confused so I elaborated, "How did you manage to cheat?"

He laughed and winced again. "I'm actually a very good card player."

"Not from what I've seen," I corrected.

"First time I you walked in with Savlii, I wanted you so badly that I couldn't see straight. I lost that game fair and square. But it got me thinking--" he began.

"You deliberately lost a fortune just to lull him into a false sense of superiority?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Bull shit!"

"Am I not a brilliant strategist?"

"You're alright."

"Alright?!" He huffed.


Rad'en' cleared his throat as he walked through the doorway. He quipped, "Well I too am happy you're not dead, father." He gently hugged Lev and sat on the other side of the bed.

"My son," he beamed and held onto his hand. "So where is your mother? If everyone was anticipating my demise, where is she?"

"Permanently stuck in her throne, father. A rumor has been started that her throne has been fitted with a chamber pot so she need never be far from it and she actually empties the entire court when she wants to make use of it."

"What a dreadful rumor, Rad'en'. One that could only have been perpetrated by someone that knows her very well."

"Indeed," Rad'en' chuckled.

"Misha, do you think you could find me something to eat? I nice fat steak would do nicely."


I left and returned with a bowl of warm gruel, the "good doctor" and Fen now armed with the lute she had just purchased from a shop down the street to help lift the patient's spirits. It was difficult to tell which he was least enthusiastic about seeing.

"How are we feeling, Nalev?" Tironik asked.

Lev didn't answer, turning all his concentration onto the blandness of the food. Fen began playing a happy tune, but none too well; Lev grimaced.

"At least my wife was concerned enough to visit," I chided him.

To the unaccustomed ear his response must have sounded like him clearing the nasty gruel from his throat. As Lev was never one to acquiesce even the most trivial of points, I knew he muttered Go fuck yourself.

Once he finished eating he turned to Tironik and said, "Where are the King and Paynor?"

"Not here," I informed him.

"They continued on, Nalev. I sent a tracker after them once I got you settled here. There's been no sign of them," Tironik stated.

"That can't be," Lev muttered. "There's no way they could have continued on without me. Only a trained priest can open the portal."

"Perhaps Roarke's knowledge is more extensive than you think," I suggested.

"Absolutely not. He told me he needed me. Do you think I wanted to vanish into oblivion with him? I'm no fool."

Fen stopped playing and quietly excused herself.



There were no easy fixes in life, at least not mine. Lev never was a good patient and the 'good doctor' had his work cut out for him. I stayed on with Fen and Rad'en' for a few days longer, then it was time to get back to our other obligations. It would be quite some time before Tironik deemed Lev fit to be moved so I resolved to visit as often as I could and write them both daily.

It was difficult to tell what provided more discomfort during my visits, Lev's complaining or the fact that the two of them were conspiring against my sanity. I had been under the impression that being honest with both of them was the right solution. Certainly a decision on my part would greatly help to sort the whole mess out straight away. Neither of them agreed. They saw no benefit in hasty action. In stead, each was completely confident that the short-comings of the other would prove their downfall and they would be perfectly patient, waiting for fate to run its course.

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Conversations, by Misha

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On those glorious evenings that we got Neopar drunk enough to pass out, there was freedom for one and all. While Fen liked to go missing, I generally went to the quarters that Hetta and Taisia shared for a night of drinking, soul-searching, card-playing and needle point. Hetta had designed an elaborate tapestry in her mind but with her failing eyesight and unsteady hands she found it easier to direct me. The colors, though vibrant and bold, were still difficult to work with in the candlelight.

We were an odd circle of friends: the cuckhold, the aged nurse and the jilted mistress, but very tight none the less. Hetta was not humerous by nature, but was quite a gifted storyteller and was guaranteed to have us laughing so hard that we couldn't see straight. Many of her more colorful stories revolved around Renet Aylii.

Fun, playfull and affectionate, she was more puppy than teacher and everyone loved Aylii, but no one more so than Hetta.

Hetta spent much of her early life wandering in and out of the House with her parents as they conducted their garment business. She enjoyed all of the religious and academic training as the sisters, but as a full Eltesnian citizen she had the world at her feet. Unfortunately, she wasn't interested in the world, only in helping her best friend find a way out of her servitude.

There was always a way out - it just took time, money and the requisite contribution of three children to serve the House. Hetta and Aylii constantly petitioned Nalev to intercede on for them, but even as high priest, his hands were tied by bureaucracy. Hetta concentrated her efforts on her parents, but they were unwilling to throw their money or their reputation in House and Court away for anything. When she persisted too much, she was banished from the House and forced to remain at the Court at Kanabulan. Shortly afterward Prince Avram took notice of her. By the time Hezason was born the prince had already lost interest in Hetta and moved on with his philandering, but she remained at the Court and raised their son.

Hetta became a much sought after nurse and raised Hezason's cousin Eburgistraten until he was nearly thirteen. Then she packed up her bags and went to the House looking for Aylii only to find that she had fulfilled her obligation and was redeemed from further servitude by wealthy landowner from the northwestern mountains of Eltesnia.

Well, I suppose it wasn't always humorous. Sometimes life has a way of sticking it to you no matter what. At any rate, the companionship the three of us shared did immeasurable good for our well-being.


It was a few hours before sunrise when I retired to my bed. I was restless and beginning to worry about what Fen had gotten herself into. Eventually I drifted off, but was easily awoken when she crept into bed.

"Rough night?" I asked.

"I went for a ride."

"By yourself?"

"Yes." She stated.

"You know, it's one thing if I think you're knocking around with a bunch of rich, inbred malcontents, but I can not condone you traipsing about the countryside until the wee hours of the morning. Do you have any idea what type of people are out there?"

"I do know what type of people are in here," Fen said defiantly. "Did you have a pleasant night?"

"While I was up worrying about you?" I asked.

"You were asleep when I got in."

"I was not asleep. My eyes were just closed."

"I'm sorry if I caused you any undue concern." She said somewhat contritely. There was a long pause then she whispered, "Good night, Misha."

"I'm not sleeping," I grumbled and rolled onto my side, facing away from her.

"Come on, Misha. I apologized already. What more do you want from me?"

"I'm not angry with you," I stated.

"Then what is it? Don't make me beg you to talk... Even though you always ridicule me for running off at the mouth about my petty problems."

"I never accused you of having petty problems, just a petty attitude." I corrected.

"Oh, that's so much better." She quipped then placed her arm around me.

"I was hoping for news by now, Fen."

"I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault."

"I'm sorry that I got you even more involved in this whole mess," Fen said. "I was only trying to help."

"I've survived worse."

"Really?"

"No."

Fen kissed my ear and the side of my face. I can't claim that I thought much about it before hand, but I turned my face and kissed her. I was far too tired to think about anything or anyone --right up until I accidentally called her by the wrong name.

"What did you call me?!" She shrieked and got out of the bed.

"I'm sorry, it slipped out. I don't know why."

"My mother?!"

She continued to shriek a number of insults to my character while wildly gesticulating with both arms. I attempted to interject that her mother was very attractive, but that, as you may imagine, was not the proper thing to say.

"Look, Misha, if you want to fuck my mother, just do it. Leave me out of it!"

"I don't want to fuck your mother. I was just thinking about her."

"While you were kissing me? Thanks for clearing up that misunderstanding!"

"Fen, sit down," I pleaded.

"I don't want to sit down!" She snapped.

"I'm not after your mother. As if I needed any other reason, Rad'en' is in love with her."

"Screw Rad'en'! What does he have to do with this?"

"He's my son, Fen."


She was speechless. I enjoyed each moment of absolute quiet to hear myself think. I was tired and really didn't want to get into it, but I hadn't left myself any other option. The last thing I wanted was for her to start babbling on with her theories as she attempted to get inside my head.

"So you've always had a problem with boundaries," Fen remarked under her breath. Even before I had a chance to explain, she took back precisely three insults, but no more. She held strongly to the validity of the other twenty or so, I had rapidly lost count during her tirade.

"Zbinka's father was very ill for a long time. After he died, she was a wreck from drinking too much. I attempted to comfort her."

"Sounds like you succeeded."

"I was young and stupid. Nothing more to it than that."

"Then why should you care so much about Rad'en'?"

"When he was a little he used to worship me. Worship me, Fen. That didn't change until he went off to the military academy. I'd still do anything for him."

"Even after he wanted to kill you?"

"Whether he knows it or not, he's my son, Fen. That's really all that matters to me."


Fen got under the covers and laid her head on my chest. She was right, of course. Taisia had such a warm and unassuming nature. Soft words and gentle laughter flowed effortlessly from her lips. She possessed both beauty and strength in such an alluring amalgamation that it was hard for me to turn away. Yet from the very beginning, I was determined that she would be the one person I could never have.

Other things were certain as well: Ompar wouldn't sleep forever and in spite of all the bickering and jealousy of our contrived and unholy union, I never doubted that I could count on Fen to be my soul's confessor, nor I hers.

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Breath, from Fen's Memoirs

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The warm afternoon sunlight called me back to a reality that I had longed for while in the tower. It would have been good to see Misha and catch up, but I knew he was still in Gelassi. Nalev had invited me to join him for supper in his private quarters and I accepted. The rumors were true and I was in love with a madman. Keeping close ties with the real power in Eltesnia couldn't hurt the situation as I saw it.

My intuition was correct. I had a wonderful time with Nalev, Zbinka and Rad'en', who was actually quite charming when not subjected to Misha. The rivalry was clearly between the young men because Zbinka had nothing but praise for Misha and his years of service to her husband. Nor did Nalev seem to mind the many successive paramours with whom Zbinka spends most of her time and inheritance.

Zbinka, it seems had used her charm, sophistication and nerves of steel to organize the coup that forced Paynor from his seat of usurped power right into the very prison cell he had used for Nalev. As proud as she was about her involvement and Rad'en's, she was a bit sketchy on the details of the entire Council's demise. Being raised in no less than three courts, I knew when propriety demanded me to hold my peace. After all, they weren't asking about the father of my child. And that worked out perfectly. More perfectly than the pregnancy itself.


A few short days later I suffered my first miscarriage. D'Hir was first to come to my aid. Sweet D'Hir who I'd practically raised since he was five years old. Before long Misha was at my side. I was thankful that it was a short ride to Gelassi from Cznorh. Messengers came regularly from Neopar to check on my recovery, but nothing from Roarke who was not returning messages from his tower. He knew what had happened, but the darkness had overtaken him once more and we had no strength to spare one for the other.

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Long-Awaited Audience, from Zbinka's Musings

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Because Rad'en' was an officer in the King's Army his father and his page were a constant cause for ridicule. At their last encounter, Rad'en' informed him that if he ever crossed back into Eltesnia he would be killed on sight. Now we would be together again in one room, absent Lev who had other obligations.

A mere maternal figure-head about the court with absolutely no underlying power or authority, it took enormous effort on my part to arrange for a meeting between Rad'en', Misha, Lady Fenwick and myself. At long last I was sent word to the inn where the two were staying and they came at once to my quarters in court.

I was greatly relieved to see Misha and embraced him for a long time.

"Come now, Zbinka. I'm fine." Misha said in a cheery, reassuring tone.

Misha kissed the top of my head and I looked up at the infectious warm smile that I always loved about him.

"I am truly relieved that our meeting could at last be facilitated," I said as I separated from the comfort of his embrace.

"How is the old man?" Misha asked.

"Fortunate to have survived. His strength is returning, too slowly for his liking." I replied. "Lady Fenwick, I haven't seen you since you were a child."

Fen bowed her head politely and replied, "Thank you for receiving us, Lady T'Nahl. You have saved your country with your bravery and finesse."

Rad'en' kissed Fen's hand. "How is your mother, Lady Fenwick?"

"She is well, thank you, Eyre Rad'en'."

"She is an exceptional woman of both beauty and courage. I pray that you will relay to her my warmest regards."

"Indeed, I will." Lady Fenwick replied.

"Let us be seated," I motioned for them to join me at the table.

A servant brought us food and wine. Rad'en' and Misha still hadn't spoken. "I'll not have the two of you spoiling our happy reunion." I demanded as politely as possible.

"I am humbled," Misha began, "that in stead of fighting to recover Eltesnia I was sent to be baby-sitter to a grown woman."

"On the contrary, Misha. I doubt that I could have accepted the truth, plain as it was, from any other than yourself," Rad'en' contradicted respectfully.

Before much more could be said, the warm moment was disrupted by Lady Fenwick becoming ill all over Rad'en' when the food was set before her. I sent her to my bedroom to rest while Rad'en' went to put on fresh clothing.

"Just you and I, Misha," I said.

"How is Lord Halvren?"

"Quite well. I saw him briefly when he and Rad'en' liberated the court." I smiled at him. "And good doctor Tironik. I swear if it wasn't for enemies, traitors and rebels we'd still be under Paynor's spell."

"Gone back to Gelassi?"

"Tironik? No, his mistress hasn't as yet given him orders to leave. I suppose once Nalev is back on his feet and Roarke installs a new council... " I noticed that he wasn't eating. "I had the cook prepare your favorites."

"Thank you, Zbinka. I'm afraid I didn't bring my appetite. Can I see Lev?"

"He's told me 'no' repeatedly," I protested.

"Let Fen have her audience with the King. I will not go until I've seen Nalev."

"You know I'll take you to him. Please eat." I insisted. "So what does the child want from my cousin? Doesn't she know he's gone mad? Or am I the only one that is aware of how precarious our situation is?"

"She's in love with him."

"And she's carrying his child. How wonderful."

"It's Neopar's."

"Can you be sure?" I asked accusingly.

"Yes. Part of my duty to know these things," Misha snapped.

"The old buffoon is still trying to fulfill some damn prophecy. How many young girls is he going to have his wife decapitate?"

"We're determined that Fen will not be one of them. And equally determined that Roarke not know about this. She doesn't want him to think any less of her."

"My word, Misha," I scoffed, "I'm not sure that's possible. Is she is mad as he is?"

"She's in love with him and should be able to provide some needed distraction."

"That's all we need, an illegitimate bastard complicating the already complicated situation." I huffed.

"Really, Lady T'Nahl? I didn't think you were such a snob," Misha snapped in reply.

"I was merely addressing facts, and in no way intended for any insult to you."

"How is that possible?" He paused and gazed at me with those intense brown eyes. "Perhaps you would do well to remember who is the perpetrator and who is the victim with bastards such as Fen and myself."

"You have my apology, Misha."

"I would not be here but for your fine diplomacy and Lady Taisia's inadvertent intervention," Misha replied.

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Audience, from Fen's Memoirs

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We reached Cznorh the following evening finding food and lodging, the latter being of more personal interest. Weary and dust-covered from the ride, my preoccupation was seeking audience with Roarke. The wait was maddening. Days passed with each request either ignored or denied. We tried to contact Nalev and even D'Hir, but still did not receive the sought after response.

Finally, it was Nalev's son Rad'en' who agreed to meet with us in the acting Queen's quarters. I had heard much about him from Misha. While Zbinka was always boastful of her husband's principles and character, Rad'en' was anything but. Because he was an officer in the King's Army his father and his page were a constant cause for ridicule. He often railed against his mother that she had nothing to do all day but have tea, make idle conversation and throw lavish parties. More often than not, his anger was stored up for those rare occasions where he and Misha were together. At their last encounter, Rad'en' informed him that if he crossed back into Eltesnia he would be killed on sight.


It was fortuitous that I felt ill and lost my supper all over Rad'en' before he and Misha could resort to anything stronger than insults. Begrudgingly, he said he would speak with his father on our behalf.


Two long days later, I was granted my audience with the king.


I was scarcely more than a child when I last was present in the court at Cznorh. As I had no desire to encounter either D'Hir or Zyta, I considered myself fortunate that there were no familiar faces to welcome me. Eyre Nalev received us then directed me to follow a guard to the royal gardens.


I had to look for quite a while to find Roarke who was pacing quietly throughout one of the many secluded pathways near the center of the gardens near the pond. The chill was from more than the morning air when he spoke to me.

"Lady Fenwick."

"King Roarke," I replied with a faint curtsy. "So good of you to receive me."

He looked at me with a blank expression that was a poor mask for his annoyance with my persistence.

"You have put me in a very awkward position by coming to my court. Do you know how many times I have heard from King Neopar since you and Misha wandered off?"

"It was not my intent to inconvenience anyone by my actions. I did what I believe to be best for all concerned. "

"Is it true?"

I knew that he was referring to my being pregnant and only hoped that his sense of propriety might hamper any further questions. He studied me from head to toe and although I didn't much care for his condescending air.

"Yes."

"Do you have any idea what I've been through here?"

"I felt your pain as I read your letters and wished with all of my being for a way to ease your languish."

"This was not it."

"No, I don't suppose it was."

"You may stay."

"You are most generous, your highness." I nodded politely while trying to maintain my composure from the giddiness I felt bubbling up.

It turned out to be my breakfast bubbling up. But I was content, none the less.

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Enigmatic Enemies, from Zbinka's Musings

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Rad'en' delayed the journey until he believed Taisia was strong enough. Those five days would cost him dearly as it also gave the renegade Houseborne, those not already aligned with Kanabulan, time to gather and plan a reckless attack near the border of Belaurii. There were a group of less than one hundred when they set out, but as they continued on, there numbers grew. Atleast three hundred and fifty of the men under Tironik's charge deserted to join their brothers.

Meanwhile Rad'en', Misha, Taisia and Ussati were inseparable and well-guarded. The journey neared its end and they were camped about a days ride from the Belaurii border. After an uneventful supper, Misha continued amusing Taisia with stories from Rad'en's childhood. As Rad'en' was already quite smitten with the woman, his usually quick temper against his nemesis was greatly subdued. Taisia, on her part, was grateful to be going home to Belaurii and hopeful that her aunt would welcome her into her court.

Early the next morning, before daybreak the renegade Houseborne surrounded the camp to retrieve Misha. Fighting erupted and Misha took Taisia to safety. The two of them were quickly met by the Belaurii escort and taken onward to the capital with twenty men. The remainder of the Belauriian troops joined the fight. The Belaurii first fought the Houseborne, greatly diminishing their numbers, then turned against Rad'en' and his men. Rad'en', Ussati and roughly half of their men survived the fighting. He wondered why the Belaurii wanted him dead on Eltesnian soil, if not by his king's consent. He had done nothing wrong yet he had become an enemy of his own country along with Misha and Nalev. He gave his men an opportunity to part company, which they all declined, and they rode with the remnant of the Houseborne back to Gelassi to meet with Tironik, the truth of Misha's words echoing in his head.

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Fury and Diplomacy, from Zbinka's Musings

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First of all, taking nothing away from Tironik's Commentary, he conveniently neglected to mention the shameful display of vindictiveness perpetrated upon Taisia by the recently empowered King and Queen of Kanabulan. Because of his underlying devotion to his mistress one cannot expect him to be impartial observer or recorder of the events as they truly occurred. Nor is my insistence in capturing such an unpleasant and controversial chain of events appreciated for truth's sake alone. Yet is is for perpetuity that I am compelled to write that which most would just as soon be allowed to fade into oblivion. No, not even for the greater good of diplomacy can I ignore the pain and betrayal of one. For if atrocities are measured only by the scores and suffering of the individual made most miniscule then we have indeed lost the most basic soul of humanity - our capacity for compassion and understanding. The consequence of lies of omission of truth will mar our existence more than any act of man, nature or imponderables.

Rad'en's troops, driven by fury rallied against the Houseborne who had joined forces with the enemy at Gelassi. I knew it would be a matter of time before he took Gelassi and that as a captive of Paynor my influence was severely limited. Fortunately, a brilliant opportunity came to mind and I was able to gain the support of Paynor himself. It seemed that the intended for Roarke's son D'Hir had recently grown impatient of waiting and became mistress to the King of Belaurii, which even as temporary employment can prove fatal. It would be good for Paynor to have Eyre Nalev's page Misha sent to Belaurii to act as her guard.

He looked perplexed and somewhat annoyed as he asked why he should care.

"Because, as you are probably already well aware," I answered calmly, "Misha is threat to you whether alive or dead. Only in removing him from the other Houseborne until after the war will you be free of his influence."

Just as there were many rumors that swirled around my involvement with the radical groups that organized the kidnappings of the Houseborne, it had been rumored that Paynor and Queen Dophe were lovers many years back and still kept close ties. I was willing to bet not only my life but Misha's as well that those rumors and implications were true.

With every new day I felt a powerful outside presence at work in the Court of Cznorh and doubted very much that my cousin had anything to do with the decisions he was forced to make. Yet I dared not speak to him about all that I had on my mind for it seemed that were so infrequently alone. On those occasions when we were alone I feared what I saw in his eyes, or rather what I did not. There was so little life left in those distant eyes. My father had those same hollow eyes and there was only one end to his years of anguish. I swore to myself that the same fate would not await Roarke, but I knew only time would tell.

Rad'en' was not pleased that his new orders were so specific. He was to capture Misha and personally escort him into Belaurii where he would wait out the remainder of the war under the watchful eye of Queen Dophe and King Neopar. As a dutiful officer Rad'en' did as he was told in regard to Misha. His troops did take the liberty to kill at least two hundred and thirty of the Houseborne traitors.

Eyre Tironik, really more at ease with mending the wounded than dashing the enemy to shreds had managed to capture a good number of the Eltesnian Royal Army which he intended to use as a bargaining tool. Queen Naeri had adamantly insisted that the king's lover be marched, naked and without possession of any kind, out of the country. Tironik arranged a trade with Rad'en'. Kanabulan would release all of its prisoners taken at Gelassi in exchange for Rad'en' agreeing to escort Lady Taisia to the Court at Belaurii where she would reside with her daughter Fen. That journey across Eltesnia would prove Rad'en's capacity both for love and for hate.

"Is this necessary?" Misha asked from the chair to which he was tied then spit out a mouthful of blood onto the ground. He had taken a quite beating from Rad'en'.

"Where is your Eyre, traitor?"

"The rules of our engagement in the holy war were set three hundred years ago. The Houseborne have fought, bled and died for a war that has ended, not for a country that disavows our humanity."

"The king has not ordered an end to the war!" Rad'en' shouted.

"Our mandate is through the House. The Lane has been freed and no just cause remains for war against Kanabulan."

"Done being a fighter, so you'll turn philosopher? The king says fight so we fight! Where is my father?"

"Ask your king," Misha replied coldly.

"Damn your insolence. I could have you killed!"

"We both know you missed your opportunity to strike me down in battle."

"You should be hung for treason and desertion."

"Where is your father, Rad'en'?" Misha looked him squarely in the eyes. "Did he flee into the mountains to regroup what remains of the dreaded deserters? Is that what you think happened? I tell you, Rad'en', Eyre Nalev returned to the court of Cznorh to formally disband the Houseborne before the King and accept his position in the Royal Army. He had a country, we did not. You know what I say is true."

"Silence!"

"Excuse me, Eyre Rad'en'," said a tentative voice in the entry way of the tent.

"What is it?" Rad'en' snapped.

"A message from Eyre Tironik," Ussati said as he held out a letter.

"Well, Misha, looks as though your new country would like to have you back. Usatti, reply back that we will accept our men and transport the girl but we have other plans for Misha."

Two days later Rad'en', accompanied by one third of his troops on horseback, heard boisterous laughter and jeering even before the soldiers of Kanabulan were sighted. Soon they say the entourage from Kanabulan, first those on horseback riding through the clearing, with Taisia, naked and barefoot, stumbling in front of them. They were followed by a good number of ground troops which surrounded the Eltesnian prisoners. Rad'en' felt sick to his stomach at the sight. He approached Taisia and wrapped a blanket around her bruised and bloodied body. Obviously she had been pelted by whatever the people of Kanabulan could find as she was forced to parade before them and probably was treated with even more disdain by the soldiers once they were out of the towns. He looked at the men on horseback.

"Release my men and our meeting is over," Rad'en exclaimed.

As his men marched back toward their camp his attention returned to Taisia.

"Lady Taisia, I am Eyre Rad'en'. I have agreed to lending you safe passage to Belaurii. You have my personal assurance that no further harm will come to you."

Once back at the camp Rad'en' had Ussati make their guest as comfortable as possible while he went to where he was keeping Misha. Misha was still tied up inside a well-guarded tent. Rad'en walked inside.

"Is it that time already?" Misha asked dryly.

"Get up," Rad'en' demanded. Aching and anticipating more interrogation, Misha struggled to his feet. Rad'en' took out a knife and cut the ropes on his wrists.

"Clean yourself, we have a guest and I'm not taking my eyes off either one of you until we get to Belaurii. Don't try anything, Misha. I don't disobey orders, but give me one reason to kill you and I swear it will be worth whatever punishment the king has for me."

"You're too kind," replied Misha smugly.

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Pressing Family Matters, from Zbinka's Musings

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While hunting with my dear friend Lord Halvren on the southwestern slopes of Mount Vondra about a days ride further north from the Eltesnian town of Ca'non' we received word that my cousin King Dalma and Princess Adelaide were among the first to fall victim to a dreadful illness that closed the entire court of Cznorh to all outsiders. Words can not express my reaction to the great tragedy nor my resolve to avail myself to Roarke in the arduous task of instilling a calm yet forceful continuity to the throne. King Dalma and I had some difference of opinion as to the level of involvement of the House in all manners of state, and this also was the source of great contention among members of his council.

Lord Halvren was kind enough to pack up his entire entourage and we rode back to Cznorh where we met up with Rad'en' who was raving about those "damn Houseborne" surrendering at Gelassi and ending the holy war. The push from King Roarke was to quickly fill in the void with the secular army and strike at Kanabulan at its four major cities along the River Ibere and pound them into dust. While it didn't sound like a decision King Dalma would have made or much like the Roarke I remembered, ours was not to question, at least not yet. Rad'en' received his orders via messenger and met up with his troops long before I was granted access to the court. I was told that the court was locked down for our own protection and that there was no progress being made inside with the doctors and healers. The death toll was nearing 100 and the pungent smell of burning bodies could not be contained within the city walls. I wrote letter after letter disavowing any thought of my own life and pleading to be allowed entrance to the court. I felt guilty from the ease and comfort of my own home when so much turmoil and despair ripped through the heart of my country. I sought to find word of my husband, but there was none. Misha was still at Gelassi negotiating terms with Kanabulan. Rad'en' had orders to bring in any Houseborne dead or alive. I prayed for their safety.

In the second month of waiting I decided to host a gala event at my country estate to eat and drink to the long life of the new king and to the further prosperity of Eltesnia. While I was well aware that there would be no none in attendance from the court, I hoped that both wine and news would flow freely in a gathering in excess of four hundred merchants, bankers, wealthy landowners and of course members of the House which was even then being disbanded at the end of the holy war. It gave me some relief to be surrounded by such good friends and allies as we all shared in the same distress. Lord Halvren, as always, was exceptionally strong and supportive. The only real news garnered from the evening was not good at all. The three thousand Houseborne that Misha now led had agreed to take up arms with Kanabulan once reports of the eradication of the deserters had begun. Though he didn't tell me where he was headed, I knew that Rad'en' and his troops would surely be sent to attack Gelassi. Although I didn't learn nearly as much as I had anticipated, it seems I made the court nervous by my activities and the following day I was invited for a brief audience with the king, at my own risk and under peril of death.

Once inside I was deeply moved by the melancholy of the court still in mourning. I was escorted not to the throne room but to the council's chambers where I was met by Paynor, who had been Chief Councilman ever since I could remember. "Lady T'Nahl," he kissed my hand. "How do you do?"

"Councilman Paynor," I nodded politely. "I was under the impression that I had been granted audience with the our cousin the king."

"King Roarke is well aware of your presence at court and as you can imagine is otherwise occupied in pressing matters of state and has asked me to convey to his dear cousin his heartfelt gratitude for your concern, but beseeches you to return to your home until the deadly plague is no more."

"And I shall thank his royal highness for his concern for my concern when I have my audience with him."

"I'm afraid that this is not possible at this time," Paynor apologized.

"Then I will see the young prince."

"The Prince is ill," Paynor stated uncomfortably.

"Has he the plague?!"

"I do not believe that is the case."

"I must be taken to him at once." I demanded.

Prince Yasper was quite feverish and wailing uncontrollably. I took him from his nurse and walked with him in my arms. I recognized the rash on his skin. It was the red fever. Rad'en' had it when he was a young boy and recovered. Many more, like young Yasper, were not so fortunate. Later that same night the screaming stopped. I continued to walk with the still and silent infant in my arms until morning.

I tried to rest, but could not. I had a servant girl bring me some fresh clothes and I washed and dressed. She brought me food, but I hadn't the appetite to eat. A short while later Paynor led me to see the king in his chamber. Roarke's eyes were distant and vacant as he sat on his sofa. I bowed my head and stood before him. There was no response so I lifted my gaze. He was staring at me as though he saw a ghost. The fool servant had brought me one of Adelaide's dresses. Of course she was only following Paynor's orders as I would find out much later. Another of his cruel reminders of who it was in charge.

I knelt before the king and spoke to him. Gradually I could feel him there with me and he began to address me. He told me that he was sorry that I did not heed the warnings to stay away from court. He insisted that Yasper perished from the same plague that took his wife and father and so many others though I swore otherwise because the red fever only attacks the very young. There was no consoling him. I braced myself and asked him if my husband had been to see him since the end of the holy war. He said he had not, yet I sensed that Nalev was not only near but that we were all in great danger.

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