Happily ever after, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

Somewhat apprehensive about the Prince and Princess, I lingered in Cznorh until their safe return. They did not in actuality go to Belaurii, but to the mountains and had a wonderful time. Their decoys, on the other hand, were captured by Queen Dophe's men and later released unharmed. King Neopar had not only bested the Queen, but we all lived to tell about it.

Months and months passed. Both Ksennia and my mother became pregnant, but we tried to conceal news of the latter from my father. Everyone was happy in Cznorh, with or without me, it seemed. Burgi wore down Zbinka's resistance and was often a guest at court. Even more so than Roarke he was predisposed to a life of opulence and glamour of which Zbinka was the undisputed Queen. But she was also a most gracious hostess and quick to offer the largest of her country estates to King Neopar and his court for their private use.


Ksennia gave birth to a healthy son that she named Schedron. The natural trauma of the event also brought on the sight which horrified her to no end because of her vision that both my mother and her child would die at birth. Given her age and the difficulty she was having with her pregnancy, it hardly took the sight to conjure up those fears. We were both relieved when Nalev came to visit.

"Princess and Lady Fenwick," he bowed politely.

"Please sit down, Eyre Nalev."

"There was a private matter I wanted to speak with you about." Nalev said.

"It's all right. Whatever it is, you may speak freely in front of my sister."

"You have been given the sight."

"Yes," Ksennia said. "I saw Taisia die."

"You can not tell her."

"But..."

"There is nothing you can do save comfort her. She needs both of you now, and, if what you saw comes to pass, even more in the future."

"It was so real, Eyre Nalev."

"Yes, Princess. We saw it, too. Often one sight is shared between many, especially between kin."

"Then you have it as well?" Ksennia asked.

"Yes," was his somber reply.

"And those men you put to death?" My sister asked.

"Were well aware of my agony and helplessness. There faces and visions will haunt me until my dying day. You're secret is safe with me, my child. Rest and be well."

The following day Schedron was presented to the people of Eltesnia by Roarke and his parents and a great feast was held in honor of the future king. These were very happy times at Cznorh and it was difficult for me to go back to Gelassi, but duty called.


Thanks to Zbinka and dual citizenship rights the university and military academy were flourishing. It was good to have a mix of people at the settlement. It made it feel more like a town.

As much as things were great at Cznorh and passible in Gelassi, it was torture to be in the presence of my father and the Queen. Yet once every month I gave my report to them and tried not to let on to my father that the woman he loved would soon die in labour. I usually tried to spend a few days back in Gelassi afterward to find some balance, but once I did not.

Rumors were flying around Roarke and Ksennia and while I didn't give any credence to them I was a little too eager for a visit. When I arrived I found a loving and happy family led by an adoring and particularly doting Roarke in a life I was constantly leaving. Flanked by Ksennia and Zbinka he was far happier than I ever remembered him. The young infant was the light of his life, and it hurt me that I could not bring him that happiness. Perhaps I was irrational. For a person who spends most of her days solving other people's problems, I certainly created enough of my own. Roarke barely touched me. My mother could die at any moment. Worst of all, D'Hir insuated that they would all be better off without me. It was time to leave. My reports would have to be given by someone else.

Next ->

Everyone loves a wedding, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

At long last it was time for the wedding of Prince D'Hir and Princess Ksennia. They hadn't met before hand and only presented a painted portrait to one another in addition to an endless stream of gifts. I was in the unique position of being trusted confidant to both and got to smooth out their jittery nerves with, of all things, the truth that they were lovely young people and would be very happy together. Ksennia was eager to leave the constant strife between the King and Queen but was still wary of my close friendship with D'Hir. It seemed no matter how hard we tried to break the cycle of rivalry we were doomed. None the less, it was time for me to kick back after months of agonizing details and negotiations and get roaring drunk after the ceremony, which was quite lovely indeed.

I was Roarke's companion for the event; however, Zbinka still enjoyed her assumed role as Queen. There was certainly a lot Ksennia and I could learn from her. I was especially enthralled with the way she handled the overly amorous advances of Eburgistraten, even though I lost good money in a bet with Misha as to his success. Either Burgi was slipping or he had met his match. The more I watched the two of them together over the next week, the more I believed the second hypothesis to be true.

Although father and Queen Naeri were noticeably absent, because of the recent rift caused by the formation of a military training camp in Gelassi which made people uneasy, King Neopar and Queen Dophe chose to attend. I had forgotten how creepy they made me feel until Ompar asked me to remove my shoes before he danced with me. Of all the guests it was Tironik that was most ill at ease. I attempted to cheer him, but once he saw Misha leave with Neopar, there was little use in that.


I arrived at my quarters late the next morning to find Misha asleep on my couch. Tired or not, as a trained fighter he was a light sleeper and he heard my footsteps.

"Hello, Fen."

"Good morning, Misha. Where is he?"

"The bed hog's in there." He quipped. "You know I can't sleep on crumbs."

"I was rather hoping that he'd be gone by the time I got in."

"So was I."

I sat beside him. "You know I'm fond of Niko, but maybe it's time you just end it."

"I have ended it."

"Yes, but it never stays ended, does it?"

"He always says he's ready to change. I want to believe him, Fen. It's so hard to be involved with someone who loathes who he is. How can that not spill over onto me? Onto us?"

"But Neopar?"

"He may be a lot of things, but self-loathing is not one of them."

"Tell me you're not going back to be his lap dog."

"No. Don't be ridiculous," Neopar bellowed as he entered from the bedroom, scarcely clothed. "Hello, darlings."

"Hello, Ompar."

"I'm not even going back," Neopar confessed in a hushed voice.

"Has he been drinking already?" I asked.

"My physician advised me to give up drinking. I'm not going back. I plan on joining allegiance with King Roarke and bringing my landowners with me."

"Leaving Dophe with other two-thirds?" I wondered aloud.

"If I could sway more, I would. Her interference with the court of Cznorh is unforgivable and I intend to prove my worthiness to both father and son."

"Quite a noble position, Ompar," I said. "The Queen has no idea?"

"Absolutely none," Neopar replied.

"The prince and princess are vacationing seaside in Belaurri. I pray you are correct," I said.

"If only there were something we could do to ensure the stability of my lands... You are aware that Dophe controls the Royal Army. Perhaps if Gelassi were to lend some assistance," Neopar began. "All of those wonderful trained fighters chomping at the bit. Seems like a perfect match to me."

Next ->

Inevitable, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

I was terribly busy at Gelassi. Tironik and I worked well together, even with our reversal of fortune. For the first time in my life I felt as though I had gained both the attention and respect of my father. Often I found myself summoned to his court. He missed my mother and was under the opinion that I could somehow convey to her how deeply troubled he was by the way she was treated by the Queen. It wasn't the time to tell him that she was happily, and secretly, married to Rad'en', so I bit my tongue and listened.

Father didn't seem to mind the way that he and the Queen treated Eburgistraten. Probably since he posed such little threat to their power. It was inconceivable to me that we were all raised by the same woman, would willingly give our life for her, yet so capable of devouring one another. Not that I was any different. I despised Ksennia from the time she was born. Eburgistraten knew it was better to have me sent away to the court of Cznorh than to be eclipsed by the little half sister.

Putting aside a lifetime of familial grievances, I had been given the awesome opportunity to begin talk of marriage between Prince D'Hir and Princess Ksennia. Zbinka, still acting Queen, was eager to make the prospect as tantalizing for all involved. We managed to have Ksennia declared sole heir to the throne of Kanabulan with the understanding that the two countries would merge at the passing of King Hezason and Queen Naeri. Amazing what a little artful negotiation and a pretty young virgin can do. The more time I spent with Ksennia the more I realized that D'Hir wouldn't hate her. In fact, he'd probably be quite smitten by her bubbly laughter and lively wit as most men were. She had gotten all of her parents' strength and agility and really none of their onerous traits. Ksennia truely was quite lovely. I felt ashamed for hating her all those years, atleast until she would blurt out whatever was on her mind followed by that annoying girlish laughter. Nobody's perfect.


Once a month, I made routine reports at Cznorh. Shortly before one visit, I was quite surprised to receive word from Zbinka that Roarke returned to court and, without controversy, regained the throne, ceremoniously thanking his loyal prince and adviser for maintaining order and peace while he was on his mission.

Roarke looked quite comfortable as he sat on his exalted throne with D'Hir, Nalev and Zbinka at his side. I approached cautiously and waited for what seemed a long time to be addressed.

"Lady Fenwick," Roarke began in a rich, even voice. "What do you want?"

"Your Highness?"

"Not you, per se. Gelassi is out of money, is it not?"

"Eltesnia refuses to do trade with us."

"I have been so informed. Gelassi pays tribute to Kanabulan. Let Kanabulan fix this problem."

"Forgive me, your Highness, but it the Houseborne were not Kanabulan's problem in the first place. If it was not for Kanabulan most of your forgotton bastard warriors would have been hunted down like animals."

"So what is it you want? Money? Supplies?"

"The people of Gelassi want one thing: dual citizenship. Once that is acheived, we firmly believe all else will follow."

"Erye Nalev, is this correct? Have we yet to offer them citizenship?"

"Yes, Your Highness. Such a decision was of so great importance to be handled without your approval."

"Well put." Roarke said.

Nalev placed a scroll in Roarke's outstretched hand which he then presented to me.

"I will not order my lords and ladies to do business with Gelassi, Lady Fenwick. But I will agree to Zbinka's request that all ceremonial tapestries, linens and table wares necessary for Prince D'Hir's wedding be purchased from the settlement." Roarke smiled and added, "I trust you will see to that detail as well."

"Yes, Your Highness."

I left the throneroom and was joined by my strolling band. I really missed those guys. A little while later I met with Zbinka, my mother and Rad'en' for supper. Afterward, I went uninvited to see Roarke. He would either speak with me or not, so I took my chances.

The musicians gave away my proximity, probably the reason they were appointed to my service in the first place. Roarke received me with a warm smile and long embrace then we were seated on a couch.

"You look well, Roarke."

"I am well. Well enough," he started. "As long as I'm going to spend the rest of my life battling demons I can do without the lice, poverty and waking up next to a sweaty over-sexed man."

"How will Burgi get along without you?" I snickered.

"As you can imagine, I was driving off the ever-impending entourage."

"He does know that Ksennia and D'Hir will inherit both kingdoms."

"His work is not done!" Roarke mocked in a stern yet inebriated tone.

We both laughed but he stopped himself then grew somber. There was never an easy reunion for us.

"How could you not tell me, Sosfena?" His voice both hurt and stern as he called me by my given name.

"Like you failed to tell me that you were coming back?"

"That was inevitable."

"I only wanted to give you good news, Roarke."

"You were carrying my child."

"And that outcome, too, was inevitable."


The following morning I awoke to the sound of Roarke's beating heart and the droning voice of Nalev, which I assumed meant that I was not really awake but still dreaming. I was incorrect.

Nalev opened the drapes allowing the early morning light to enter the room.

"What's he going on about?" I asked groggily.

"Morning briefing before breakfast."

"Did he even knock?"

"We're on a strict regiment. After breakfast we swim or fence, depending on the weather. Then onto Court."

Nalev held up a robe for me. I rolled out of bed and into it.

"Good morning, Lady Fenwick."

"Good morning, Erye."

"Can we work on the modesty, Fen?" Roarke asked.

"Are you the only person in the kingdom that doesn't know Nalev's gay?"

"Know, yes. Accepted, no." Nalev offered the distinction. "How is our dear friend Misha?"

"Missing you terribly."

"More trouble with Niko, I presume."

"Can we get back to the agenda?" Roarke persisted uncomfortably.

"Of course, Your Highness." Nalev replied.

Zbinka and a team of servants burst into the room with food and fresh floral arrangements and set a sumptuous table of breakfast breads and fruit for our enjoyment. Nalev stopped mid-sentence, approached her and kissed her on the cheek.

"Good morning, darling," she replied warmly. Then she turned to me. "Lady Fenwick, you look dreadful."

While the comment was probably rooted in fact since I was up all night crying, it was a reminder of what drove me crazy with Ksennia. What was it with these two?


It was impossible to remain angry with Zbinka, especially when her numerous connections as both high society diva and political activist allowed me the lovely parting gift of no less than 40 young men, many of whom had been "misplaced" Houseborne, and a dozen young women eager to study at the much underutilized university at Gelassi. They brought with them both the blessings and financial backing of their wealthy parents. This enabled me to work with father on funding for the school and opening the doors to those less fortunate.

Next ->

Breath, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

The warm afternoon sunlight called me back to a reality that I had longed for while in the tower. It would have been good to see Misha and catch up, but I knew he was still in Gelassi. Nalev had invited me to join him for supper in his private quarters and I accepted. The rumors were true and I was in love with a madman. Keeping close ties with the real power in Eltesnia couldn't hurt the situation as I saw it.

My intuition was correct. I had a wonderful time with Nalev, Zbinka and Rad'en', who was actually quite charming when not subjected to Misha. The rivalry was clearly between the young men because Zbinka had nothing but praise for Misha and his years of service to her husband. Nor did Nalev seem to mind the many successive paramours with whom Zbinka spends most of her time and inheritance.

Zbinka, it seems had used her charm, sophistication and nerves of steel to organize the coup that forced Paynor from his seat of usurped power right into the very prison cell he had used for Nalev. As proud as she was about her involvement and Rad'en's, she was a bit sketchy on the details of the entire Council's demise. Being raised in no less than three courts, I knew when propriety demanded me to hold my peace. After all, they weren't asking about the father of my child. And that worked out perfectly. More perfectly than the pregnancy itself.


A few short days later I suffered my first miscarriage. D'Hir was first to come to my aid. Sweet D'Hir who I'd practically raised since he was five years old. Before long Misha was at my side. I was thankful that it was a short ride to Gelassi from Cznorh. Messengers came regularly from Neopar to check on my recovery, but nothing from Roarke who was not returning messages from his tower. He knew what had happened, but the darkness had overtaken him once more and we had no strength to spare one for the other.

Next ->

One Lavish Party After Another, from Fen's Memoirs

<- Previous

There were many diverse tasks associated with being mistress to Ompar. It was even possible to excel at a good number of them with my dignity intact. I enjoyed the parties. The planning was as endless as the money at my disposal. So many opulent choices with the food, wine, ambiance. Pouring over the guest lists with Neopar hour after hour to determine who would need what kind of attention in order to drop their guard and divulge their hidden agendas. That was intriguing. Often my problem was that the King's voyeuristic tendencies precluded the when and where of my fact finding missions. Other times, it hardly mattered. Hetta warned me that I was becoming too jaded. I assured her that if the proper occasion ever presented itself, that I could choose to be as sunny, trusting and altruistic as humanly possible. I failed to convince either one of us with my statement.

After two years of more of the same, one peaceful afternoon as I fed grapes to Ompar with my feet, which he adored for their daintiness, and he played cards with Misha a messenger from King Roarke awoke us to the inevitable.

Apparently King Roarke had much to discuss with us in person and would be there with his entourage in three days. Apparently...?

"Does the Queen know?" Neopar inquired.

"Yes, your Highness. She said that you should make the necessary arrangements."

King Neopar waved the messenger away and resumed playing.

"Three days? Kranch. What do you want me to do in three days?" I straightened myself from my recumbent position on the couch.

"Magic as usual, poppet."

"And D'Hir?" I inquired. The debauchery between he and Dophe had gone one much longer than we anticipated.

"The Queen keeps few secrets from him," Neopar replied matter-of-factly.

"And how are we delicately going to inform King Roarke about--" There was more than a note of panic in my voice.

"I have no idea. Absolutely no idea. Love to hear what you come up with, my dear." Neopar gave me a crooked smile and a wink, that was his way of waving me off.

Fortunately for me, money and power provided the necessary incentive to do the impossible, at least in the material sense. Countless scenarios ran through my mind as to how to broach the subject that his only son and heir had been used these past two years as the Queen's plaything. None ended well. Certainly if Queen Dophe were more diplomatic and less of a contriving shrew she could handle the very situation she created for herself.

My only real hope was to have D'Hir packed up and ready to return home with his father as soon as possible.

"You mean our things?" D'Hir asked when I spoke to him a few moments later.

I forced the whirlwind in my mind to halt long enough to really look at him. "You need to go, D'Hir. Your father needs you." I tried to be as feeling as I could.

"But what about us? We can start over."

"So Daddy comes to get us and makes everything all better? Come on, D'Hir, listen to yourself." Admittedly, that was not the type of feeling I was trying for. "What can he possibly say for himself? Leaving us here for so long."

"He was protecting us."

"Protecting us? That's not good enough for me."

"He's the King. He doesn't need to justify his actions," D'Hir stated.

"And you and I, D'Hir?"

D'Hir put his hands on my shoulders and spoke softly to me. "We're survivors, Fen." He bent down and kissed the top of my head. I found myself embracing him. Part of me wanted to believe that he loved me, that he'd always loved me. But that was only part... I mainly just wanted him gone, and with as little bloodshed or bad feelings as possible.

Despite his exuberance at being reunited with his only son, there was a heaviness about him. I feared that he had already found out about the Queen and tried my best to keep him distracted with the revelry. I pretended not to notice as his eyes followed me around the room. But I did notice. And something in his gaze made me uneasy. I had another drink to steel my nerves and focused on my objective: facilitating the hasty departure of D'Hir, King Roarke and their entire entourage without endangering the long-standing alliance between the two countries. There was no one better for the job at hand, but my reputation was about to become my undoing.

After enjoying some levity with the musicians and dancers I returned to the table honor to find Misha and King Roarke engaged in a heated discussion.

"There, there, gentlemen," King Neopar tried to pacify them. "The Great War is finally over and we have much cause for celebration." Neopar raised his glass to make a toast.

"The war ended with the freeing of the Lane. The senseless debacle that endured these past two years was completely unjust, fought without honor and devoid of mercy." Misha exclaimed.

Misha was the last person I would have imagined to challenge King Roarke.

"There were many obstacles preventing a truce until now," Roarke said defensively.

Misha continued his objections. "What obstacles? When the holy war was over we lay down our weapons and marched into oblivion."

"And the rest of the Houseborne did not fare as well as you, Misha." Roarke's reply was sharp.

Misha stood in an imposing manner and I placed my hand on his shoulder to ease him back down.

"Is it true, King Roarke? Has the fighting come to an end?" I asked.

"Even now, Eyre Nalev has taken control of the entire secular army. He has spent much time formulating a plan for the gradual integration of the Houseborne as full citizens."

"Nonsense!" Misha snapped. "If such plan existed, Nalev would have written to me."

I heard the Queen herself gasp. Roarke rose to his feet and shouted, "Damn your insolence, man!"

D'Hir approached the volatile standoff. "Pay him no heed, father. It is the drink talking."

I tried again to gently guide Misha back into his seat. Neopar was little diplomatic help. To him, this was mere foreplay.

Misha turned his face around to me and scowled, "Don't touch me you whore."

Considering the source of the comment, this was less insult than statement of fact. To King Roarke, it was an outrage. He looked to his son to defend my honor but was only appalled by his lack of chivalry. Roarke stepped forward and struck Misha hard across the face. Misha responded in turn. The music stopped. The king and guard drew their swords as D'Hir and I rushed to get out of the way.

Fortunately the fight was short lived. Misha put away his sword and offered a hand to his clearly bested opponent that lay flat on his back. Roarke accepted the aid. D'Hir picked up his father's sword and held it out for him.

"Misha, a word," King Neopar called. No one expected to see either of them before morning.

"I beg your pardon, Queen Dophe. I must take my leave for the night. I am in need of quiet." He motioned for his entourage to stay.

"I trust that clearer heads will prevail in the morning. Until then, King Roarke." Dophe gave him a polite nod and he walked off alone. I didn't know how much of what I'd just witnessed was real or merely an act, at that moment I didn't care.

I went to King Roarke's guest room but was informed by his guards that he had not yet returned. Considering the time I wasted dragging my feet down the corridors, I found that difficult to believe. None the less, I went to my quarters to formulate my next move. Then discovered that it was not at all my move to make.

Next ->

Strangers in Belaurii, from Fen's Memoirs

Part 2

<- Previous

For nearly five years D'Hir, Hetta and I lived in the court of Queen Dophe and King Neopar without much ado. Other than the absence of D'Hir's parents, our lives were pretty much the same. At least mine was. I had grown accustomed the feeling of abandonment; however, D'Hir missed his family terribly.

After fulfilling our rigorous daily academic and artistic agendas D'Hir and I overlooked no opportunity to escape into the countryside. We always said that each time we would go just a little bit farther until at last we would find ourselves all the way to the sea where we could stow away on a ship and explore a world far removed from our pampered, dictated and confining existence. It was at the seaside were Roarke and Adelaide took their last holiday in Belaurii with us before their baby son was born. The sea always made D'Hir feel closer to his family.

On one hand, it was a great relief to me when dear little D'Hir finally surpassed me in height. Before that time he had the dreadfully annoying habit of staring at my breasts as we danced in court events. But now that he was becoming a young man, the fondness and familiarity we shared for so long seemed to vanish into awkwardness. Another four years and we would marry as arranged my guardian and his parents long ago in some great alliance the details of which neither one of us seemed to be privy. I now looked for any opportunity not to be alone with him. There were my dalliances with men around court which I managed to keep from him, but not from the watchful and vengeful eyes of Queen Dophe.

I had become lady in waiting to Queen Dophe when I turned twenty even though she had never liked me. My guardian Burgi had humiliated her by refusing to act as proxy and honor the alliance of marriage. She had been set to marry his cousin Drezi before his untimely and unfortunate demise at the hand, actually the ass, of the Lane. Dophe made sure that the minds of the women of the court were set against me, which is probably why I found the company of its men so alluring.

My mornings were generally consumed with the arduous task of dressing the Queen and perfecting her coiffure, all the while biting my tongue as she found countless things for which to chide me. If she was feeling particularly malicious she would offer me the opportunity to play a game of cards with her. I had grown very good at devising strategies that ensured her victory. Even though I owed her a king's ransom already, I could not imagine the misery that would beset me should I dare defeat her.

One particular morning, despite my noblest efforts to feign amusement and joviality, the Queen saw through me to my utter boredom and disgust. The games went on and on. We didn't stop to eat and I dared not ask even to get up to stretch my legs which kept falling asleep. A grueling eternity passed as my stomach growled and eyes blurred. Evening came and went. Finally the tedium was interrupted by a knock on the door. For the first time in many months I was truly delighted to see D'Hir when the Queen invited him into her parlor. I started to sort through the cards of the interrupted game when I was curtly dismissed. If I was at first confused by her move, the bawdy ruckus that ensured quickly dispelled any misconceptions. I knocked on the door, and was ignored. I knocked harder. The Queen's only response was to move the action closer to the door.

While I stood in my astonishment, I was joined by the only person in court that the Queen despised more than I.

"There there, poppet," King Neopar said as he patted me on the shoulder, "She'll give him back when she's done with him."

"Two things I need you to know before you leave," Prince Roarke told me before D'Hir, Hetta and I left for our stay in Belaurii. "Keep an eye on D'Hir. I'm counting on you to keep him out of trouble." He made an uneasy sigh and looked my squarely in the eyes. "And whatever you do, keep your distance from King Neopar." I did my best to honor those two requests, and was quite successful up until that night.

Next ->